MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

Is spirituality vague?

I've noticed recently the frequency with which some religious people tend to dismiss spirituality as vague. The dictionary defines vagueness as that which is "not clearly expressed," "stated in indefinite terms," or "not having a precise meaning." By this definition, it may seem that these religious folks are right. When somebody says "I'm spiritual, not religious," could anything be more vague?

I'm not so sure about that. Even when spirituality seems vague at first blush, it turns out upon deeper investigation that there are fewer things more concrete or definite.

Reminds me of a conversation I had once with a man who I'll call Hank (not his real name). Hank was painfully shy and inarticulate when it came to talking about his inner life. He was raised in an irreligious home and had never taken much of an interest in churchgoing or reading on philosophical or religious topics. After we'd spent a few weeks getting to know each other better, he finally opened up with me about what "spiritual" meant to him.

Gay, Schmay, Just Don't Be Alone!

These were the words of my Jewish Grandmother when I told her I was gay. Her words are embedded in my soul. But her acceptance of both of my spirits are not shared these days by others. Being both Jewish and Gay and I feel attacked from both sides. The President of the United States says that discrimination against the legitimacy of my marriage to my partner should be written into the constitution, and the movie "The Passion of the Christ" is implying that my people killed Christ.

Yes I said "my marriage". My partner and I are married under the laws of Reform Judaism which recognizes same-sex marriage and we were married by a Rabbi. While it is not "legal" it is "religious".

A quote from President Bush is that he is "interested in protecting the "sanctity of marriage". My dictionary defines sanctity as the quality of being holy. But our marriage is somehow not considered "holy" enough by
some. And therefore it does not deserve to be part of the group that the phrase "sanctity of marriage" is meant to represent and protect. How can a religious ceremony conducted by a religious officiate not be considered traditional and holy?

Soulfully Gay: The pleasure principle

"SOULFULLY GAY" By JOE PEREZ

Beating off. Jerking off. Whacking off. Slapping the salami. Spanking the money. Milking the trouser snake.

Everyone does it, but few of us talk about it. Let’s talk about masturbation.

Bruce Grether is the moderator for an Internet-based group called Mindful Masturbation for Men (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mindfulm4men/). There are over 1,600 men on the discussion list. The members of MM4M see masturbation as a form of self-love and pleasuring. They strive to go beyond masturbation as a way of releasing tension and explore its potential as a spiritual and consciousness-altering process.

(Re)Considering Christianity?

This afternoon, during my commute home, I was reading A Language Older Than Words by Derrick Jensen. Though Jensen writes mostly about environmental and philosophical concerns, I came across a passage that leapt out at me, and spoke to me particularly as a gay man living in the U.S. at this time.

The primary purpose of Judeo-Christianity has not been to move us toward a community where the teachings of someone like Jesus - simple and neccesary suggestions for how to get along with one another - are made manifest in all aspects of life, but instead to provide a theological framework for exploitation.

Men are learning to embrace feelings, author says

An article in The Plain Dealer describes a three-step plan for getting more in touch with feelings. Here's a quote:

"Feminism has brought about big changes in the way women see themselves and their roles," Kundtz writes in "Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Feelings" which hit bookstores last month.

"I believe [men] must admit that, on the whole, we are behind on that score. Women have embraced their guts; have we embraced our hearts?"

Many gays are spiritual, not religious

Nearly 60 percent of gays either don't belong to a religion or don't practice their faith, according to the Gay/Lesbian Consumer Online Census. I often wonder what this means for our spiritual lives that so many of us don't have a connection with organized religion.

When it comes to gays and religion, you can divide us into three groups: the religious, the totally secular, and everyone else. The first group includes gays who belong to an organized religion such as Catholicism, Episcopalianism, Lutheranism, Judaism, Buddhism, and so on.

The second group includes gays who consider themselves neither religious nor spiritual. They have no interest in believing in a God, a universal spirit, or higher power. They also reject non-scientific understandings of the world and rely wholly on reason, common sense, or secular humanist philosophies.

But many gays—perhaps even a majority—fall into the category "none of the above." They consider themselves spiritual, but not particularly religious. This happens to be the group where I currently fit.

Stages of love

Lesbians and Gays are a sexually abused culture. We are under sexual assault regularly from society. We are only seen for our sex acts and are told that we are dirty and bad for having sexual feelings and for wanting intimate relationships with members of our own gender.

With a lifetime of receiving these messages we run from each other so as not to be exposed or identified as one of those "forbidden and dirty people." We have no one to tell. Oprah Winfrey talks about the first time she saw African American people on television. She was watching Ed Sullivan introduce the Supremes and ran through her home yelling to her family in excitement and pride that African Americans were on TV.

Can you imagine any of us as gays and lesbians doing this as children - or even adults - yelling through our home that homosexuals were on television? Of course not.

Scenes from ground zero in Massachusetts and California

In San Francisco today, City Assessor Mabel Teng issued marriage licenses to a lesbian couple as an act of civil disobedience. Meanwhile, back at the Boston Phoenix, bloggers are chronicling the historic Massachusetts Constitutional Convention.

WEDNESDAY, 4:15 p.m.:

In her remarks to the convention, State Senator Dianne Wilkerson talked about growing up in Arkansas. She said that what a lot of her colleagues may not know is that the reason a lot of African-Americans' names end in "son" is because slaves would add the suffix to their master's name -- hence "Jefferson, Johnson," and -- at this point Wilkerson became too choked up to continue. She composed herself and said "Wilkerson."

Commentary: Black church history comes out of the closet

A commentary in The Advocate from Atlanta-based author Herndon L. Davis explores the role of the UFC and Fellowship 2000 in Black and gay America. Here's a clip:

Too many of us took the abuse and shrugged it off when the gay-bashing sermons came our way. We quietly thought to ourselves, I deserve it, and then moved on. Sadly, many of us still have that particular slave mentality. Although we may not take physical abuse, the emotional, verbal, and spiritual abuse we do take is far worse, more painful, and significantly more devastating as it drives and eventually destroys our lives...

Unless we stand up and speak out to the black church and demand a relook, reconsideration, and a refreshed analysis of scripture, spirituality, and our lives as godly men and women who also happen to be gay and lesbian, we will forever be doomed to the abusive and bloodied hands of condemnation of the black church.

Down, but not out?

"Not every knockdown in our life is 'good for something'..." posts the visually-oriented blogger orangeguru along with this image (at right).

These are soulful words. The tendency to find something "good" out of every experience is a spiritual temptation to be resisted. There are certainly lessons to be had in life from the punches we're thrown: lessons of humility, grief, righteous anger, and even the endurance of seemingly unbearable cruelties.

But however you cut it, a punch is a punch. Thinking good thoughts about the punch may sell New Age spirituality books, but it does not satisfy the soul. Simply learning how to endure pain is a trying lesson that initiates us into the deep mysteries of life.