Laurel Hester's last request

It's typical to hear a lot of speeches on MLK Day; some eloquent, some less so. It's rarer to hear one that speaks in a simple and powerful way to the principles that Dr. King stood for; so that anyone with ears can't help but hear.

Few will do that today more effectively than the message to Laurel Hester is sending to the Freeholders of Ocean County, NJ. Too weak to attend their meetings anymore, and struggling for breath, Hester implores the Freeholders to "make a change for good, a change for righteousness," and on a day when we honor one who lived and died fighting for equality and dignity.

 

Hester, a 23-year veteran of the Ocean County Prosecutor's Office, is asking the Ocean County Freeholder to pass a resolution to extend retirement benefits to the registered domestic partners of County employees so she can leave her pension to her partner Stacie Andree. Unlike Bergen, Hudson, Mercer, Union and Monmouth Counties, Ocean County has so far refused to extend those benefits.   

 

Freeholder John Kelly, liaison to the public safety department, has been quoted in news reports as not approving of domestic partnerships because "they violate the sanctity of marriage." Recently, however, the Freeholders have added "financial concerns" to their reasons for not extending benefits.   

Garden State Equality has the video, which they will play at the Freeholder's next meeting on January 18th, just two days from now.

Ask yourself what MLK would do, and then plan to be at the Freeholder's meeting at 4 p.m. on Jan. 18; Room 119, first floor floor Ocean County Administration Building, 101 Hooper Ave., Toms River, N.J. And if you can't be there, do the next best thing and call the Freeholders at (732) 929-4217.

After all, what better way is to honor King today than to make a stand for simple justice and equality? 

Comments

[aaron jason silver]

I have recently inadertently written a very controvesial book on gay culture entitled: "why gay men do what they do", "an inside look at gay culture". The book will be available around 7/24 but somehow somebody in the gay resort town in which I live alont lake Michigan shoreline called saugatuck,Michigan,made copies of my old unedited manuscript and passed it around the community. This has caused a firestorm of contoversy piting gays for and against my book. I has inadevertantly made me now feel like the Bill Cosby of the gay community because I dared express some criticisms about gay culture. I guess I didn't read the memo that gays are not to criticise their own culture. It has gotten so ugly that I had to have the police brought in because of vandalism to my home such as killing of my puppies, eggs being thrown at my house and veiled phyical threats to my person. I wrote this book not to be controversial but to help educated gays and straights alike about what seems to be a culture hidden behind closed doors. I also wanted to help gay men understand better what some of the issues that many are still dealing with in their adult lives because of the horrible school experiences so many gay men had. Most I disovered. Most gay men grew up feeling like outsiders, isolated, picked on and felt lonely. In my book I talk about what these early experiences have had on their adult lives because they are still dealing with open wounds from those horrible school years that I call ghost wounds. These wounds left unadressed negatively influence gay individual which results in an unhealthy culture. If they would consciously seek therapy to heal those wouns to nearly unnoticeable scars they will then and only then be able to understand and feel the delisciousness and beauty of true intimacy and will not have the need to party excessevely evey weekend or seek out multiple sex partners in an effort to fill an empty heart because it will already be filled with true friendships that don't just rely on just partying as being their only commonality but will then hopefully find other deeper and more meaningful interests. When I change my life from this attitude of the need to party everyweekend and always having alcohol involved in all gatherings I must warn people about what my experience was. I lost almost all of my old friends even though I never verbalized judgement against their lifestyle but just started changing the way in which I found meaning I came to the sad realizatin that is was only partying that kept us together. I felt lonely for awhile and suddenly people of likemindedness came into my life and has filled it with something very real. I still drink occasionally and still love to have fun and party but I have stopped being dragged into the mosh pit of gossipy, mean-spirited, catty behaviors that I thought I needed to do to be funy. It's not funny. These behaviors I believer are so cliche within the gay culture whereas now those behavior seem boring to me and lack real humor. It is possible to be funny and not do it at anyone else's expense. My website for my book is www.aaronjasonsilver.com
my phone # is 269 561 6789. I would love to have the opportunity to speak about the contents of my book in an open forum if that is possible. People that I have allowed read the book whether gay or straight have been blown away by it and felt very enlightened about their own behaviors that they have gotten so accustomed to and began to see the gay community with a different perspective. most sincerely, Aaron Jason Silver

[aaron jason silver]

DAMAGING EFFECTS OF THE CLOSET

If anyone watches or reads the news it would have been difficult not to have heard of the many of sex scandals as of late. I am now speaking of men in high profile positions. A great many of them are members of the clergy. These men obviously knew full well what they were supposed to believe about homosexuality. To them it is considered an immoral and abominable act. Why then were these men not able to pray away these sinful thoughts and be able to resist the temptations of these unnatural acts? Would they have been more successful if they had prayed to a different God perhaps? Or could it be that it is a normal sexual orientation for some people that cannot be altered and it is what God intended for them? It would seem that since members of the clergy who are considered to be closer to God than we mere lay people would be very successful ridding themselves of all sorts of perverted thoughts and acts. It is quite likely that they have prayed about it enough but without success. If the heterosexual majority would do some research on their own by going to gay bars or log on to the gay chat rooms where many gays meet other gays with the safety and anonymity that computers provide. They would then realize the vast numbers of clergy and married men from all walks of life that are struggling with this issue. These men are just the tip of the iceberg. These men are those that are willing to take the first step toward homosexual contact. It is done in baby steps with much guilt, shame, fear and trepidation. I have talked too many of these men as I was researching for my book. It seems quite clear to me that if the clergy themselves cannot fight these powerful inner urgings through prayer then perhaps we ought to start looking at it differently. After all homosexuality does not cause victims as long as it is of mutual consent between adults as it would be expected of heterosexuality as well.
Perhaps it is high time that the phenomenon of “the closet” is addressed and understood. I believe it is essential to discuss “the closet” to provide the necessary context from which to view some of the scandals that have happened recently to people in high profile positions. This discussion needs to be civilized our knee jerk reactions and judgments held in check. After all, the last time I checked Christian doctrine we are not supposed to judge others. We need to discuss the subject of “the closet” with great compassion. By the term “closet”, I am referring to the emotional place that many people with same sex attractions recoil into in order to keep any suspicion of their sexual orientation away from them. Many closeted gay men will often compartmentalize their lives and marry in order to try and rid themselves of these same sex attractions and to thwart any unwanted suspicion. When one represses the powerful natural urgings of sexuality they then often have secret sexual liaisons, become very involved in conservative religious dogma and/or become members of the clergy themselves desperately hoping that these same sex attractions will go away if they just try harder. Whichever methods closeted gays use, are desperate attempts at hiding, or even used as a way of trying to rid themselves of their natural sexual inclinations by trying to play it “normal”. This is done out of shame for being something other than what they believe their God or families and friends want of them. I am speaking primarily of men at this time because I believe men use the closet even more often than woman. The reason being is because of societies more narrow view and expectations of what behaviors are considered acceptable and “normal” for men. Woman can be tomboys much easier than men can be sissies. Of course not all gay men are effeminate by a long shot but that is a stereotypical image of gay men. Therefore men with same sex orientations will often practice stereotypical masculine behaviors to thwart any suspicion out of fear of social denunciation.
The practice of compartmentalizing ones life for very long often will often cause the development of some emotional problems to varying degrees and manifesting in a variety of ways. Many closeted men develop coping mechanisms such as addictive behaviors of all sorts whether it is alcoholism, prescription or non prescription drug abuse. They may develop addictions to pornography, sexual addiction or other self-destructive ways of acting out. The longer one stays in the closet there will then also generally be more victims because of their closeted lifestyle choice. The victims may be their wives, children, their friends, parents, siblings etc. All feeling like they have been betrayed and deceived when the closeted individuals true nature is discovered as it was for ex-governor of New Jersey, Mr. McGreevy, ex-congressmen Foley, the president of the Evangelicals, very patriotic members of our armed services to name just a few of the staggering numbers of men that have also been hiding their true selves. I feel very sad for the victims as I do with the closeted individual. They are all truly victims. I understand the humiliation, despair, and profound depression that the closeted individuals feel that soon follows once that door to the closet has been flung open. For some, the shame and fear is just too unbearable and suicide seems like the only alternative to ending their unbearable pain and shame. Suicide rates and addictions are much higher than heterosexual men.

Society needs to take some responsibility with this matter of the closet by being more accepting of alternative lifestyles. Without the closet, try and imagine how much less pain many people and families would have to endure. Not only the ones that feel that living in the closet is their only alternative, but for the victims that find themselves feeling betrayed once the secret comes out.

We as a culture have some soul searching to do on this matter and not be so self-righteous and quick to judge. There are a variety of ways of loving and living. We need to accept the fact that what seems to be normal for some is not necessarily normal for all. There is still so much shame involved yet in this day and age concerning sexual orientation in our rather hypocritical puritanical society. This attitude is unfortunately what causes many gays not to seek help concerning issues they may be struggling with from the appropriate professionals. I generally do not recommend clergy because it can cause further damage due to their religious agendas which can deepen one's shame and depression. This is a very complicated issue and I don’t have all the answers. I am however certain that society has to become more compassionate toward people with innate same sex attractions. If they do not, we will continue to shame many gay people enough so that it will continue to inhibit many from being true to themselves and therefore to their loved ones.

One can read more about this issue and many other disturbing issues involving gay culture of today in my new book; "why gay men do what they do"; an inside look at gay culture. Thank you, Aaron Jason Silver
www.aaronjasonsilver.com

[Jeffrey L. Lord]

Aaron - - Did you write this article ?? Jeffrey

[THE ERROW]

How does christianity meet homosexuality?

I am a true believer in christ and the christian religion. I find myself going to church frequently as in some way I feel a connection to God. But I sadly shink in to my darl corner when I go to church at times and find a particular preacher preaching about how saitanic homosexuality is. then I ask myself,"but why?". Doesn't the very Bible teach us that we are all God's creation? Or is it with the exeption of homosexuals?

Contrary to popular belief homosexuality is not a choice. Think about it really, who would volunteer to be the outcast of sociaty and a victim to discrimination? All the victims of the a gay man being in the closet should blaim society for thier pain, a gay is just trying to survive.

Being gay can be lonely and sad. Especially if you are in the "closet" like some of us. Reaching out is rather difficult as one knows not where to start and sadly due to the secretrive nature of homosexuality when gay men meet they want to take advantage of the situation and they first thing they do is sex and other imoral things.

Gay or not you are still an individual who has choices. You can either choose to be a victim and stay sad and lonely for the rest of your life or you can choose to be comfortable in you shoes and survive. I believe there is nathing saitanic about homosexuality and that we were also created by God and contrary to popular belief he loves us too!