Is sex outside of the sacrament of marriage a sin?

Religion columnist Terry Mattingly has interviewed many (probably hundreds) of pastors, religious leaders, and newsmakers. He uses the question, “Is sex outside of the Sacrament of Marriage a sin?” to disturb those on the left and right equally. "I ... will almost always gain new information," he writes.

When it comes to sex, the typical conservative pastor is much more afraid to talk about premarital or extramarital sex than about homosexuality. There is a story there, I think, and it’s an important story.

What Mattingly is getting at, if I may interject my own interpretation, is that the traditional Christian teaching that sex outside of (heterosexual) marriage is wrong is a hard teaching for gays and straights alike. Harder for gays, though Mattingly doesn't say so. But hard for everyone. And since there are many more straights than gays, religious leaders risk upsetting many, many more people by speaking out against sex outside of marriage. Another point Mattingly doesn't explicitly raise here: religious leaders risk upsetting even more people by speaking out about the sex that's wrong within (heterosexual) marriage. For example, Roman Catholics are forbidden from obtaining orgasm by any other act than intercourse with procreative potential. Sexual acts of foreplay from genital caressing and mutual masturbation to oral sex are questionable or outright forbidden.

As for how I would answer Mattingly's tricky question, I would say that I don't like to give short answers to tricky questions. If he wants my general approach to sexuality and ethics, he should read my books. The answers are in there. :-)

If he persisted in his desire for a sound bite, I might say something like...

Q: "Is sex outside of the Sacrament of Marriage a sin?"

A: "Not necessarily. And sex within marriage isn't necessarily healthy. Remember that what human beings have considered sex, sacraments, marriage, and sin have varied widely in different times and places, and even within the Christian religion there is no consensus. My own view is that sexual sin is about disharmony, unhealthfulness, and disintegration in a person's sexual functioning. Such pathology can occur within or outside of marriage."

Mattingly, a religious conservative who strives for journalistic objectivity, would likely jot down one note on his reporter's pad: liberal.

In fact, if my own opinion counts for anything, I don't consider my views on a spectrum with liberal on one end and conservative on the other. Understanding sexuality within a holistic and developmental framework isn't a license for libertinism; nor does it necessarily support traditional, guilt-based, shame-driven sex rules. I believe that ethical decision-making about sex needs to account for many different truths and there are many different acceptable ways that people can live sexually healthy and responsible lives.

Comments

[*Christopher]

Joe, excellent post.

[Stefan Dox]

Keep up the excellent work - you are somebody that I would call a "real" professional.

[Mathew]

ROCK ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!