Is it possible to be abstinent AND gay? Azariah gets personal.

The title of this blog is a question I have been asking myself the past few months especially while on the Equality Ride. I can’t say my opinion is going to be thorough, well structured, or even open minded. It is exactly what it is… my opinion and personal belief.

I feel that I should first state, I’ve had my fair share of  “hooking-up” but I am very grateful that I have grown out of that. I began to realize how detrimental hooking-up was to myself and others after I came out this past April. When I chose to come out on April 16th I was thrown into the national spotlight and suddenly found a lot of people looking up to me. Most people know me as, “that Christian TV host who came out.” I’ve never thought of myself as a role model and still find that pill hard to swallow. However, I recognize that this is how many people view me. With that said, I also realized I just couldn’t live however I wanted to anymore. Not only because of how I may be perceived but because God was beginning to convict my heart.

When I came out, it was the beginning of a journey which has tested, strengthened, sustained, and revealed Christ’s love to me in such a real and authentic way. At one point in this journey God started to deal with me about remaining abstinent. I was taught growing up that any kind of sex outside of a committed monogamous relationship or marriage (for those who are privileged enough to have this) is wrong. Despite what I was taught, I bought into a unspoken message that if you’re gay hooking-up is part of your identity and community. I believed this lie, and instead of fulfilling my identity as a gay man, it was stealing it from me.

I began to portray myself as someone other than who I was just to sleep with someone. I fell for the false praises and flattery that caused my guards to come down and go home with a complete stranger. I felt as if this was how you met other guys and then you decide if you want to date them. I was losing my values and morals just to lay in someone’s arms, to have that touch I longed for from another man. Essentially, I was longing for physical satisfaction and lusting after this false idea of love. Forgetting that love is a command and not an idea I ended up never finding it through being promiscuous.

I lost most self-control. I did what I wanted and when I wanted. Despite the conviction the Holy Spirit would put on my heart, I would often choose to follow after my own selfish desires to satisfy my sexual urges and did that by hooking-up. With that said, and being able to acknowledge why I hooked-up, I believe that hooking-up is a selfish and sinful act.

It is selfish because you are looking to satisfy your own desires without any care of who you do it with or how you do it. It is sinful for a variety of reasons but mainly because it withholds no love. Love is nowhere to be found in being promiscuous. It is a quick fix and temporary solution to quench the heart’s thirst for true love.

This summer Jesus started to reveal his love to me in a very real way and quench that thirst. I began to experience his love and receive a revelation of who he is to me. Yes, I’ve had many trials in the midst of all that, but during all of it, he continued to reveal himself. Since I have come out, my faith in Christ has strengthened and become more real than ever before. This is a journey that is still happening and I’m still learning from.

When I look back during the time I was being promiscuous, I can honestly say, I was not bearing any fruits of the Spirit; and Christ was not resembled in my life to any degree. I encourage those who identify as gay Christians (or Christian at all) to remain abstinent until you meet your partner. As a Christian you are called to walk out a higher purpose, live a healthier life, and to portray love the same way Christ did. Being promiscuous does not fit into that. Do not feel condemned by this but take it as encouragement to adhere to the call of Christ.

With all this said, through my own experiences, abstinence is possible even if you’re gay. I also believe it is the best way until you find the partner God has for you. This is what I choose to do.

Much love,
Azariah Southworth

 

 

Comments

[JadedJabber]

When I first read this title I was confused. "Of COURSE you can be abstinent and gay." As I read on I began to understand more. This is the direction that lgbt theology and ministries is going. Sex-positive, self-positive also means sex-responsibility and health.

Thank you for this.

[pennyjane]

of course it is azariah! the very fact that this seems a real question and not a joke it a very immediate call to our ministry to get with it! start teaching the ministry of Christ.

one can be anything and be abstinate. the christian scriptures are repleat with admonistions against unsafe and unhealthy sex. healthy sex, just as is with every other healthy activity, is that which celebrates God's love and His promise. sex for nothing more then self-gratification is just fetishistic masterbation. you devalue sex, you devalue yourself and you devalue your partner...in doing all this you have not glorified God, you have devalued Him.

just because the rest of the world belittles and devalues us doesn't give us the right to do the same. we must learn to love and value ourselves and then love our neighbors as ourselves. one way to do this is to recognize the profane and narcissistic way we treat sex...and then to fix it. God bless with much love and hope, pj

[Tiffany]

*Sigh* I <3 you. sadly I cam to this realization a long time a get, but recently decided to take the steps necessary to get rid of my lust. I broke up with my girlfriend, and readjusted my priorities. This is confirmation to what I already knew. thanks for shearing.

[ned]

I really think that there needs to be a return to old archetypal models of romance, which were full of chivalry, nobility, self-restraint and courtship rituals. Contemporary dating culture, as I wrote here previously, is nothing but emotional narcissism and emotional abuse -- people using each other to feel good about themselves.

One needs to consecrate their relationship to the Divine in order to get these lower passions under control and bring some nobility, self-giving and self-sacrifice into a relationship, and to transmute lust to something more authentic and creative.

[ned]

By the way as part of my yoga practice I'm quite happily celibate with my partner right now. I still have my attraction to women, but it is largely under control, and lust no longer has the grip over me that it once used to. And this to me is a far more enjoyable state. So much of my energy is now freed up, both for creative and artistic pursuits and for selfless service to my community.