Why We Lose

“The Master’s tools will never dismantle the Master’s house.” ~ Audre Lourde

We lost Maine.  Not quite how we lost California; the LGBT community and allies absolutely did their best political organizing and advertising. 

So why are our results so mixed?

Looking back on years of gay rights referendums, to me the shift in public opinion doesn’t seem as dramatic as we usually say it is. 

The results have been very close in almost every race I can recall, and in Maine we saw that again – we lost 53% to 47%.

The electorate is split.

The tactics we’re using aren’t changing that ratio in any meaningful way.  By which I mean, demanding or defending our rights, while vital, does not accomplish the great task before us: opening hearts and minds so that denying our equal rights is unthinkable - until THAT becomes an abomination.

Maine is a perfect example.  The courageous legislature and governor passed a marriage equality law but the citizens weren’t ready for it.  The ground for a lasting victory wasn’t prepared, leaving equality vulnerable.

In conventional warfare, when one state or emperor attempts to extend his rule over another, The Art of War cautions the military strategist to remember that victory is more than just success on the battlefield. Once a battle is won and the soldiers move on, the territory just gained must be held, prisoners contained, peace maintained, and supplies have to get through to the front lines. If the conflict has been conducted without “taking whole,” there will be dissension and rebellion among the conquered who are now behind the lines, making ultimate long-term victory impossible.

The ideal victory happens without battle, “taking whole” the territory of the other by gaining the sympathy and trust of the other’s people and developing communion with them. Then, if the general must move militarily, she moves with the blessing of her enemy’s people; they welcome her and simplify her task. By knowing the environmental and psychological factors that affect victory, the general can do the quiet, precursory work to arrange these factors so that their power becomes available to her, and so, when she acts, she can be assured of victory.

For LGBT people, this means that precipitous action on our behalf will not have the longevity of result that “taking whole” would.  Effective, popular, long-term solutions are vastly more important than resolving immediate conflicts or discomfort. As Baltasar Gracian said, "Do something well, and that is quick enough. What is done immediately is undone just as fast, but what must last an eternity takes that long to do."

So how do we prepare the ground for long-term victory?  We build relationships.  We volunteer.  We participate in our communities.  We educate and dialogue and come out of the closet.  Why?  Because studies show that people who know and like an LGBT person are far more likely to support their equal rights.  It’s that simple to start.

If we are willing to take the time to arrange the ground, we can demonstrate and teach a new, healthier method of being together in community, so that, when the laws and manifestations of change occur, they occur with the support of, and because of, the general public. Like the old proverb says, “If you stand on the porch and jump for the stars, you’ll fall on your face in the mud. The stairs must be constructed first.”

In a way, it’s easier and more satisfying to march, to shout, to sit-in, to go door-to-door, to rally, to kiss-in, or to phone bank than to do the deeply personal work of ‘taking whole.’ 

One is the right response to a political crisis, but the other is how we win.

 

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If you’d like to get involved in winning gay rights, support the EMPOWERING SPIRITS FOUNDATION (EmpoweringSpirits.org).  ESF organizes volunteer opportunities for LGBT people to build relationships with their local straight communities.  5,600 LGBT people volunteered during our Coming Out Weekend of Service in October 2009, co-sponsored by MyOutSpirit.com.

 

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Portions of this article are from my book, Shirt of Flame which is available as a free download on MyOutSpirit.com (“How to Win Gay Rights”).

~ Clayton Gibson, MyOutSpirit.com

Comments

[Tom Cummiskey]

So true, Clayton!! We just don't get it. Many in leadership are afraid of or are unschooled in "arranging the ground." It's time for us to enlighten them as to "another way" of going about things.