MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

Still and Know

"Come up, O lions, and shake off the delusion you are sheep.  You are souls immortal, spirits free, blessed and eternal."  ~Vivekananda

One day, the devil and his friend were walking down the street.  Ahead of them, they saw a man bend down, pick something up off the ground and stuff it eagerly into his pocket.  "What was that?" asked the devil's friend. "Oh, that was a piece of the Truth," said the devil.  "Well, that's bad news for you, isn't it?" said the friend.  "Not at all," the devil said with a smirk. "I'm going to let him organize it."

On our spiritual journeys as Lesbian, Gay, Bi-affectionate and Transgender people, some of the most insidious illusions that arrest our progress are the trappings of organized religion.  For many of us that were expelled from the garden of our faith tradition because of our gender identity or sexual orientation, the struggle to return takes over our thinking about religion and spirituality.  But return to what?  Too often we are content to return to the rituals, the community or the drag of our faith tradition-overcoming those who thought they could hold us back or keep us out-but fail to engage our lives and souls in a transformational relationship with the Divine.  We claim the words, but not the power; we celebrate the customs, but avoid the practice; we bind ourselves to institutions, but drown out the Spirit; we sketch vast architectures, but remain blind to the Truth.

It's not that religious traditions are bad, quite the contrary.  Beautiful buildings, colorful fabrics, smoke, crackers, cadences and harmonies are all nice things to have, but if they do not facilitate the deepening of individuals' consciousnesses, if they do not simplify instead of complicate, transform instead of translate, if they do not, like language, point beyond themselves, if they do not lay bare our true selves, then they are all of them empty, valueless barriers to the evolutionary maturation of the human spirit toward God. 

The simple truth is - and you can stop reading after this is you want since the rest will just say this with more words - the simple truth is that salvation, enlightenment and inner peace can only be found by going inward, and never by rummaging through what's outside. 

"If your leaders tell you, 'the kingdom of God is in the sky,' then the birds will get there before you.  If they say that it is under the sea, the fish will enter and will precede you.  I say unto you that the kingdom of God is inside you and outside you and all around you. Whosoever knows oneself will find the kingdom.  And when you know yourselves, you will know that you are the children of the living God," says Jesus in The Gospel of Thomas. How do we come to know our true selves?  We become still, quiet and fully present.  We close our mouths, block off our senses, blunt our sharpness, untie our knots, soften our glares, and settle our dust. Only then can we know our primal identity.  Only then can we hear the still, small voice of Spirit.  Only then are we open to the action of Spirit.  Only then are we available for the great work of transformation.

There are many techniques that can support this transformation, from centering and contemplative prayer to yoga, Zen meditation and Vedanta.  The goals of a transformative spiritual practice are self-realization and partnership with the Divine. 

Of course, self-realization and partnering with the Divine mean exploring parts of ourselves and parts of God that we wish weren't there.  Only when we become fully conscious of the web of assumptions and beliefs that we have constructed about the world and about ourselves-a web in which we now are caught-are we forced to dismantle our illusions.  Then we learn to see what lies within us and what lies outside us as they really are; only then are we able to interact with the world as it is and not as we imagine it to be.  "Not-knowing is true knowledge. Presuming to know is a disease," cautions Lao-tzu in Tao Te Ching. "Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power."

Unfortunately, queer people are as skilled at avoiding this kind of conflict with our own minds' constructions as we are adept at confronting the discriminatory traditions and values of our society and many religions.  This conflict is so primal, so radical-to change not only the public translation of spiritual values but to transform our very understanding of reality-that part of us wants to escape it.  The loud, pushy voice of ego keeps our focus outside of ourselves-driving us to change things on the surface of the phenomenal world.  Any kind of fundamental questioning, any opportunity for deep, inner quiet, threatens to shatter the concepts of what the self is and how the universe operates upon which we base every thought and decision!  Many of us think, subconsciously or not, that we just don't want to know that much.

I've certainly seen this hesitance in myself; it took me years to pick up a Ken Wilber book because I knew I just couldn't handle having my worldview challenged that much.  The last time I confronted my Dad about the religious reasons for his disapproval of my marriage, he emotionally responded to my informed exegesis of scripture with, "I don't want to hear it.  I need to believe what I believe."  It's true of most of us. Our entire lives are constructed around certain assumptions about how things work and why.  We want our understanding of Spirit and our experience of the world to be static things that after you get them once, they never change.  Unfortunately, as time goes on and human beings learn more and more about the universe and human nature and how they operate, our personal understanding has to change or we become fossils of an outmoded worldview.  Our development becomes arrested: full stop.  Just because a way of being has become comfortable doesn't mean it's correct.

In fact, we usually become more and more uncomfortable as we become closer and closer to Spirit through meditation and prayer.  First, "We see that God is not a drug or an instantaneous bliss maker," explains Julia Mossbridge, gifted author of Unfolding: The Perpetual Science of Your Soul's Work. "We discover that our lives are not the sole item on God's agenda. Partnering with God is not about developing an ethereal, airy-fairy relationship with some force of Love.  It is about developing an intimate, everyday, every-moment-of-every-day friendship in which you are with God all the time: while doing volunteer work, making a speech, singing in a choir, dancing at your wedding, getting in a fist-fight, eating the third plate of nachos, cursing at pedestrians.  All the time."

"It is a call to follow Jesus out of all the structures, security blankets, and even spiritual practices that serve as props. They are all left behind insofar as they are part of the false self system…The false self is an illusion," says prominent Christian contemplative, Father Thomas Keating in Open Mind, Open Heart. In short, when we become fully, deeply present-as we begin to recognize our true selves and look God in the eye-we get the rug pulled out from under us. 

It's not a bad thing, although we have a low tolerance for discomfort.  Getting shaken up is just evidence of our rising up.  If our feet stayed firmly planted on the rug of our conventional understanding, our feet would never leave the ground. Groundlessness is inherent in the process.  Just as there must be silence for Spirit to be audible, there has to be space in our thoughts and beliefs for Truth to manifest.  Groundlessness wipes away our preconceptions. Pema Chodron explains in The Places That Scare You that as we become used to this insecurity, "To the extent that we stop struggling against uncertainty and ambiguity, to that extent we dissolve our fear."

There is no fear in love.  When groundlessness cultivates our fearlessness, we encounter our own genuinely loving nature, and we become available for open-minded, whole-hearted interaction with the universe.  As gay Christian mystic Jim Marion puts it in Putting on the Mind of Christ, "All we need to do to be 'saved' is to consciously realize who we have been all along.  We need to realize our own divinity, own it, take up the responsibility of it, and live it." 

If Transgender, Bisexual, Lesbian and Gay women, men and young people do not awaken to our full responsibility, to our fulfillment, our empowerment, then our natural function as human beings in society will continue to be frustrated, obstructed and disjoint.  The possibility for our final emancipation, legitimation and liberation will wither if LGBT people do not unmask and become more present to others, in service to others, and bring the gentle qualities of Spirit to the details of living. 

These universal qualities of Spirit-love, compassion, patience, tolerance, forgiveness, humility, contentment, responsibility and harmony-will help us transform straight communities into just and sustainable environments that nurture whole, mindful and evolving individuals.  Our awakening of spiritual and emotional intelligence will be the thunder that cracks their slumber.  Our care and service will rain down and wash away the dark stains of hate and prejudice.  Our radical realization will be the Shirt of Flame that burns bushels and allows our inner lights to shine. 

Thank God our time is now when wrong
Comes up to face us everywhere,
Never to leave us 'til we take
The longest stride of soul men ever took.
Affairs are now soul size.
The enterprise is exploration into God.
Where are you making for? It takes
So many thousand years to wake,
But will you wake for pity's sake?
~Christopher Fry, A Sleep of Prisoners

Third Way report: focus on the 'grays'

By Joe Perez

A new report on public attitudes towards sexual orientation and same-sex marriage hits Huffington Post today. Here's a short clip:

The Third Way report found that heterosexual Americans fall into roughly three equal size categories when it comes to gay issues. The "pro-gay polars" strongly support equal rights for gays and lesbians and do not attach any moral value to sexual orientation. Most of these individuals have come to this view over time and believe that the transformation in their thinking reflects significant insight, understanding, and personal growth. The "anti-gay polars" believe that being gay is "unnatural and against God." They tend to view gays as "societal outlaws." Although they generally oppose violence and bigotry directed against gays, they fear that extending equal rights to gays and lesbians would "put America on a dangerously wrong path." The third group, the "grays," are conflicted. They are torn between their desire to be tolerant, fair, and respectful of individual liberty and their lingering discomfort with homosexuality. The "grays" tend to accept that sexual orientation is not simply a matter of choosing a lifestyle, but they worry that "society is moving too fast."

The Third Way report concluded that those who want to move public opinion along the path toward greater acceptance of equal rights for gays and lesbians should focus particularly on the "grays" and should emphasize three points: (1) Legal protections for same-sex relationships address a real, not a made up problem. (Interestingly, a majority of Americans (56% v. 39%) do not believe that same-sex couples lack significant legal protections.) (2) The legal recognition of same-sex relationships does not undermine the institution of marriage. (Perhaps ironically, at a time when fewer and fewer Americans are marrying, there is a concern that the legal recognition of same-sex relationships could be the death knell for the institution of marriage.) (3) The legal recognition of same-sex relationships represents progress for the nation. (Although 70% of Americans believe the United States will legalize civil unions within a decade, almost half of all Americans worry that this is not progress. They are concerned that greater acceptance of gays and lesbians could cause the erosion of moral standards and damage to children raised in such families.) These are all serious political concerns that merit a serious response.

In the end, the goal, in my view, should be to enlighten all Americans to understand that the legal recognition of equal rights for gays and lesbians is an appropriate extension of the American ideal of equality and the proper next stage in the nation's long and admirable struggle to provide equal treatment to all persons, regardless of race, religion, gender, national origin, disability, and now sexual orientation.

My bold added in final paragraph for emphasis. I think this approach is sound and generally resonates with my own strategy recommendations in Rising Up. The essential point is that our community's messaging needs to be targeted to specific communities, with an emphasis on specific communities where the message can have the most dramatic benefit on policy and attitude changes.

Andrew Sullivan, conservative religionists, and development

"From moderate religion comes pragmatic politics," writes Andrew Sullivan in "When Not Seeing Is Believing," an excerpt in Time from his forthcoming book The Conservative Soul. The heart of Sullivan's message--urging conservative religionists (Sullivan calls them "fundamentalists," obviously not wanting to taint the word "conservative" with their ilk) to moderate their religion by embracing a humbler variety of faith--might just hit its mark.

The first problem: humility (as in lack of confidence that your worldview isn't a myth) is only one of several key issues for those he is trying to reach. A second problem (I will suggest): humility (in its formulation as an acknowledgment of the limits of reason) is precisely the opposite of the message religious conservatives most need to hear. Sullivan sometimes conflates these senses of humility, and consequently sometimes urges doubt when confidence is better prescribed. However this article is, I believe, on the money in identifying and articulating the key issues in spiritual development for those of a more moderate faith--those folks more like Sullivan than Jerry Falwell or Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Is sex outside of the sacrament of marriage a sin?

Religion columnist Terry Mattingly has interviewed many (probably hundreds) of pastors, religious leaders, and newsmakers. He uses the question, “Is sex outside of the Sacrament of Marriage a sin?” to disturb those on the left and right equally. "I ... will almost always gain new information," he writes.

When it comes to sex, the typical conservative pastor is much more afraid to talk about premarital or extramarital sex than about homosexuality. There is a story there, I think, and it’s an important story.

The perfect activist

This article in EDGE Boston profiles Cholene Espinoza, whose spiritual service is an excellent example for any LGBT person who really wants to create change in the minds and hearts of straight America.

After Hurricane Katrina hit, Espinoza and her partner, Ellen Ratner, traveled to the Gulf Coast to help the victims. Moved by her experience to do even more to help, Espinoza wrote Through the Eye of the Storm (Chelsea Green, 2006), a memoir of their trip that laments not only the devastation of the hurricane itself, but also the difficult path to recovery.

Against extreme outing

Let's make it clear that Mike Rogers--of BlogActive noteriety--has taken outing too far. It's a rather embarrassing spectacle with the appearance of having been manufactured by a blogger in love with attention and his own power. He seems to want to speak for all gays, but he certainly doesn't speak me... or really for many of us at all, in my view.

Endings

I've been thinking a lot about endings recently.  Part of it is the season--one year is making way for another.  Part of it is the news that a friend's 4 and a half year partnership has ended.  I've also had a few chance meetings with people who belong to my "prior life"--the two years I spent in a Christian seminary, struggling to fight off lesbian temptations.  And, on a more abstract level, I've been reading Process Theology, which describes the essence of life as flux, and past moments as being incarnate in the present.  For Process, it seems like endings are a mirage.

But what are endings for the spiritual life?  And as gay and lesbians move towards marriage equality, what ethic will we develop for ending relationships?

What Is Truth?

I’ve noticed a recurring pattern among some of my fellow travellers on the spiritual path: an extreme reluctance to make a definite moral statement. I understand that in this postmodern age there is (supposedly) no such thing as absolute truth. And I can understand why many (especially in the GLBT community) are reluctant to make any definite moral statements: many of us have been abused or alienated by those who have used such “absolute” statements as weapons against us.

But it seems to me that if we never stand up for what is true – if we never speak our truth with conviction – we slip into a kind of moral vacuum, where every viewpoint is given equal weight, no matter how harmful the consequences of those viewpoints may be to others.

An example from the current news: Pat Robertson has called for the United States to assassinate the president of Venezuela, Hugo Chávez. As good liberal postmodernists who value tolerance and dialogue between those of differing paths, are we supposed to consider Pat Robertson’s viewpoint a valid one? Are we intolerant if we refuse to tolerate an intolerant viewpoint? Is it OK to call Pat Robertson (or at least his words) vile and loathsome, or are we judgmental and absolutist ourselves if we do so?

I have no answers, just concerns. I welcome your feedback.

Garrison Andropolis

I've just published the latest installment of Soulfully Gay, a sci-fi short story that tackles eugenics. It's called "Garrison Andropolis." Warning: High Creepiness Factor. Parental Discretion Advised.

The year was 2040, exactly 30 years since the genetic signature for homosexuality was identified by scientists and most heterosexual parents began to bring only heterosexual children into the world. Legislative efforts to make heterosexist discrimination illegal were defeated in the name of “parental choice,” and liberal abortion laws permitted what many feared would be the extinction of the entire future queer population.

Read the rest of "Garrison Andropolis"...

How To Change Hearts and Minds on Gay Marriage

I've been thinking ... and writing ... a lot about how to change hearts and minds on gay marriage. I know that very few people will agree with everything I have to say, but for those bold enough to adventure forth into the land of The Integralist, here are some recent posts:

• A critique of an article by the conservative Dale Carpenter on gay marriage.
• "How We Will Change Hearts on Gay Marriage," a piece that tries to present the practical upshot of the integral politics, including the idea of divergent rationales
• "What the Left and Right Don't Get About Gay Marriage," a summary of my integral approach to the gay marriage topic
• "Lost Boys, Polygamy, and Gay Marriage," a look at the shadowy side of polygamy and what it all means for the marriage debate