MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

Just Married and So Worthy!

~Mary Anne Flanagan/Toning the OM

I wanted to share how powerful it was to get married in New York City! After 17+ years, my partner and I were married last week (Thank you New York!). We have been in awe of all the support and love we have received over the years, especially when New York passed the Marriage Equality Act. Many of our friends asked us when we were going to get married. We wanted to plan something big with a party and blessing. As we became more overwhelmed by the planning, we decided to just go ahead and have a small civil ceremony – for us.

As we entered the Office of the City Clerk, we were welcomed by city employees. Everything was very well organized. After a couple of hours, we were called into a small chapel to be married. As the officiate bellowed out the words, “We are gathered here today…” I began to cry. I never thought I would ever hear those words. I took a moment to compose myself. I looked at my partner and had the thought, "We deserve this. We are worthy." I exhaled and my eyes filled with tears again. And I realized how worthy we are - we all are. This year I paid attention to worthiness, and I had the gift of celebrating marriage.

As I said "I Do" to my partner, I was saying I do to all the love I deserve. I was saying I do to life and the love that I am. And I invite you to do the same.

Say "I do" to you - YOU ARE WORTHY!

(Oh, and the Office of the City Clerk is on "Worth" Street!)

All love, always, Mary Anne

Mary Anne Flanagan is a Certified Life Coach, Shamanic Practitioner and Teacher workshop facilitator, inspired speaker, and creator of Toning the OM™.  Mary Anne Flanagan/Toning the OM™: maflanagan@toningtheom.com or 917.238.9726. Visit http://www.toningtheom.com

Homophobia, An Efficient Killer

{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta}

 I guess it has been about 2 years since the Rev. Al Sharpton stood in the pulpit of Tabernacle Baptist church and gave this little gem concerning black clergy and the church:

“They preach homophobia from their pulpits Sunday morning and cruise the parks at night!”

I also remember after that service was over; this statement was stuck in my head.

Talking with some of my colleges and friends in the black community, I was informed not only was that statement true but also in fact there were any number of black clergy in the city of Atlanta who were an exact fit. “In fact, Pastor Paul, there are some pretty big and powerful preachers in the black church for whom Rev. Sharpton hit the nail on the head.”

I was dumbfounded.

I am sometimes naïve when it comes to the real world. I know a lot of politicians who would sell their own mother if it meant them getting elected and then lie about the sale, but pastors are and should be different right?

Apparently I am still somewhat of a heterosexist. Sure, there might be the whole hetro adultery thing going on in churches, but why would these very conservative, anti-gay preachers really take the risk of doing what they so virulently preach against - especially in such a small, talkative community?

Do they not understand if you beat us up long enough eventually we will expose you for who you really are?

Further, why would this small talkative community simply turn and take on the persona of “don’t ask, don’t tell?”

I have come to believe it is because homophobia is alive and well and more dangerous than ever.

“Homophobia” is the unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality.

Which is why in a homophobic culture there is nothing worse than to be a homosexual or to practice homosexual behavior.  But strangely, the community seems to hold a different standard for black preachers as compared to white preachers. 

One might survive if they use drugs, one might survive if they misuse church funds and they might even survive if they are caught playing with the deacon’s wife. One survives these transgressions because “we all sin and fall short of the glory of God!” 

Remember the good Rev. Stanley of Peachtree Baptist? All was forgiven and forgotten. Bless his heart. Those who are part of the United Methodist Church know if a preacher is caught playing around in the congregation, come annual conference time the preacher is simply moved to another church. There is a long list of black preachers who are divorced or were divorced during their time in the pulpit and have survived rather nicely.

Yet, to cross the homosexual line and express homosexual behavior is the sin of all sins. This sin is the worst thing a person can do. One’s career, calling and respect in the community will be lost if they dare cross this line and get caught. 

There is nothing which will get the news Medias attention faster than a black male preacher who is caught having sex with another man. They jump on it with all the alleged details and leading statements of how horrific this person is. In very short order it becomes the subject of national news with powerful people weighing in with their knowledgeable (really lack of facts) opinions and attitudes. 

Of course if the accused person is anti-gay and is rather famous for attacking the LGBTQ community, then this just adds fuel to an already hotly burning fire.

Bishop Eddie Long ha been an ardent opponent of the LGBTQ community, even to the extent of having an “ex-gay” kind of ministry as a part of his mega church and who lead a huge march against gay marriage.  And now, Bishop Long has been accused not by one but four young men of stepping over the line into the sin of sins.

Now, I have to say for the sake of being honest, I have never been particularly impressed by the Bishop. Having Bentleys parked in one’s driveway, owning a private jet, and such excess has never struck me as the ministry of the gospel, but rather a ministry of prosperity and over-indulgence.

At the same time, his church claims 25,000 members! Damn, that is 9,000 more people than the town I grew up in.

If we do the math this also means conservatively speaking there are probably 1200 plus LGBTQ people associated with this ministry. 

Anyway, I digress. As I mention a few blogs ago the “victims” are already being blasted by the Bishop’s supporters. They are being called everything in the book and I would imagine before it is all said and done they will be painted as the predators of a powerful preacher. As I said before, this simply is the roots of homophobia rising to the surface…cause; well you know all gays are criminals.

Reports on the story have not said if the four young men themselves are gay or not. Before people write me and say this is not important…yes it is. Why? 

It would change the dynamics of the story from abuse of power to the possibility of a really messed up love triangle. There may be abuse of power but it would be a whole different animal at that point. A full day before the story broke, I got a heads up from a friend, “By the way, stay tuned, a very prominent local Bishop is about to be outed by his secret lover in a lawsuit.”

Now, please - if the way this story has been covered doesn’t prove how evil, how nasty, how un-repented and how dangereous homophobia is, then we are asleep.

It is true the Bishop set himself for a huge fall and made himself a target of people just dying to prove he is the ultimate hypocrite. 

Yet, the real problem here, the reason this story is so devastating is because of the homophobia that is intertwined all through it. This Bishop made a huge mark for himself with a ministry designed to destroy my (our) community. As a friend Craig Washington wrote in a column for “the Root”:

“Whether or not Long actually committed the acts of which he was recently accused, this much is true: He is assuredly guilty of engendering fear and hatred of LGBT people among thousands. He has convinced countless numbers of gays that they are sinners whose salvation rests on becoming 'reconditioned' into heterosexuality. Such toxic teachings reinforce the stigma that compromises HIV-prevention efforts as well as our mental and physical health.”

If the accusations are correct, there is a price to pay for such devastating hypocrisy. If the facts turn out to be something else, how will we deal with that?

While it is easy to be critical of how people live their lives, if these accusations turn out to be factual, will anyone ask or see how homophobia drove the Bishop to this moment. How, even knowing he had a gift to preach, he had to hide who he really was to pursue his career and calling?

Will the black congregations ever discuss their complicity in this drama, because the worst thing their preacher could do was be a homo?  Will the black church confront the ways it lives out “don’t ask and don’t tell” to the destruction of its young men every day.

If it turns out these accusations are really about something else, will my community stand and say to Bishop Long, “Hey we are really sorry we jumped the gun, cause you know you are such a jerk when it comes to our issues…well, we just wanted you to fall hard…sorry”.

Regardless of the outcome of this story, will we spend some time seeing how the devastating tentacles of homophobia wrapped themselves around the Bishop, the Bishop’s family, his friends, our community and as the outrage was expressed choked our any thought of compassion, understanding and love?

My friends this is a sad and heart breaking story, because it is really not about Bishop Long. The author of this story no matter how the facts turn out, no matter the drama unfolds, is Homophobia. It is a killer, it kills those who practice it and it kills those who internalize it. It sometimes kills those who fight it.

I think that may be why my friend Elder Tony Jones had this to say on his Facebook status:

“I reflect on Bishop Eddie Long and this recent matter, I am reminded of this one thing: Regardless to the outcome, unconditional love is still appropriate and necessary.”

My prayer is we all take heed; we all take a deep breath and take the Elder’s words to heart. For if we do, there is an opportunity here to begin to dismantle the destruction of homophobia and begin to heal.

{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta}

Please support our advertiser, Sounds True:

"Oh, Rubbish, You have No Power Here"

As I sit here writing this blog, I cannot help but feel the intense emotion of pride for our LGBTQ community. Sometimes we mess up and get ourselves over reactive to situations brought to our community. Yet, not this time...this time we did it correctly. This time we allowed our enemies to put their sizable feet right into their mouths.

As every one knows “The National Organization for Marriage” (NOM) found their way to our little part of the world. To say the rally they held was a complete and utter failure is to understate how bad it really was for them.

As has been reported by various sources they were lucky if the number of attendees reached 20 (this is minus reporters, speakers, entertainers, and the Capital police).

Meanwhile across Washington Street, 300 plus of the LGBTQ community and straight allies showed up to give witness to the fact we are diverse, wise and a gentle people.

I say diverse because in that crowd were straight, gay, queer, trans, black, white, Latino, Asian as well as many other ethnic groups.

I say diverse because there were punks, Goths, suburbanites, college students, employed, unemployed, people of faith, people of no faith and there was even a gnome.

I say wise and gentle because when it was first announce NOM was headed this way, leaders in the LGBTQ community got together and discussed, argued, and struggled with how to respond to these bullies.

This process was a beautiful example of how creative the LGBTQ community can be when we decide to act as opposed to re-act.

Smoke and Mirrors

{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta}

Rev. Eugene H. Peterson, who is a “Professor Emeritus” of Spiritual Theology at Regent College in Vancouver B.C. is the author of one of newer translations of the Bible called “The Message”, the Bible in contemporary language. In his introduction to the Old Testament book of Amos he writes:

“More people are exploited and abused in the cause of religion then in any other way. Sex, money and power all take a back seat to religion as a source of evil. Religion is the most dangerous energy source known to humankind. The moment a person (or government or religion or organization) is convinced that god, is either ordering or sanctioning a cause or project, anything goes. The history worldwide of religion fueled hate, killing, and oppression is staggering.”


As most of my readers know, our fair city of Atlanta is about to get a visit from The National Organization for Marriage (NOM). Dr. Peterson could have very easily been talking about them.

After reading and following on the web the rallies these folks are holding, it is really hard for me as a pastor not to speak out, hell shout out. The rallies are nothing more then “shock and awe” events designed to perpetuate the fear of the big bad homosexual agenda is about to destroy life in America, as we know it.

The GA Voice reported NOM’s theme by quoting from a press release,

“We’re excited to get on the road and meet people face-to-face, sharing with them the importance of marriage and how critical the future of marriage is to our country,” said Brian Brown, NOM’s president, in a recent press release. “Marriage will be a key national issue once the California Prop 8 battle gets to the Supreme Court. We need Americans to rally behind marriage as the union of one man and one woman and tell the Courts and state legislatures that marriage matters.”


Are you kidding me? This is the theme for a national event?

I really don’t want to take up more written space on why this is a ridiculous smoke and mirrors kind of statement. I spent sufficient space pointing that out in my last blog.

However, this statement and what this group represents are about something far more sinister, evil and dangerous. You see they want you to believe they are representative of “true” Christianity. However, this “truth” is based on a “fear” of God.

If one does any channel surfing with the TV it will not be long before a TV preacher in “full preaching mode” will be seen declaring that for those who choose to go against God will pay the price of God’s harsh judgment. God will punish those who live in a homosexual life style and God will destroy and bring destruction to the society, which does not “fear” the Lord and eradicate this horrible sin against God.

It is the preacher’s use of the word “fear” that always gets my attention.

Continue reading "Smoke and Mirrors" »

Enjoy “Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise”

“Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise” can cheer us up in the face of the Maine election defeat.

Gay and lesbian animal couples and celebrities mingle on the ark while anti-gay activists such as Fred Phelps and Ken Starr drown.  Artist Paul Richmond says, “I chose to symbolize our inevitable victory in the fight for marriage equality by painting my own adaptation of the biblical flood.” 

Click here for the full story and details from the painting at the Jesus in Love Blog on GLBT spirituality and the arts.

Image credit: “Noah’s Gay Wedding Cruise” by Paul Richmond.  Visit his online store to order a limited-edition print.
Posted by lesbian Christian author and art historian Kittredge Cherry

Gay artist explores Jesus and marriage

Jesus supported love, but not marriage, according to a thought-provoking new poster by gay artist Dirk Vanden.
 
Large white words against a rainbow background state, “FYI: Jesus never married, nor commanded nor advocated nor performed ‘marriage.’”  At the bottom is a Biblical quote from Jesus, “Love one another as I have loved you.”

Vanden says that he creates artworks such as “Jesus Never Married” to help gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people who are “seeking equality, legitimacy, legality -- acceptance -- of ourselves and our unions and families.”

The poster is a welcome contribution to the current debate about same-sex marriage.  Conservatives often use Christianity to justify denying lesbian and gay couples the right to marry.  However, Jesus Christ himself was apparently not a big supporter of marriage.

Read the whole story at the Jesus in Love Blog on GLBT spirituality and the arts.

Image credit:  “Jesus Never Married” by Dirk Vanden

___

Submitted by Kittredge Cherry, author of Art That Dares: Gay Jesus, Woman Christ, and More

Troy Perry on CA Ruling

Today, I am adding my voice to the voices of people of goodwill everywhere who are deeply disappointed that the California Supreme Court has failed to uphold marriage equality for California's citizens.

It is ironic that the same court that ruled in favor of marriage equality last year has now denied that same right in today's ruling.

My forty years of work on behalf of human rights and social justice offer hope that today's ruling, while a setback for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender couples, is only a temporary setback in the quest for full equality under the law for all of our citizens.

The silver lining in the court's ruling is that the 18,000 same-sex couples who were legally married before the adoption of Proposition 8 will continue to have full marriage equality under the law.

I am joining hands with civic, political and faith leaders to redouble our efforts to guarantee marriage equality for all of our state's citizens and to pursue every possible option to achieve that goal at the earliest possible date.

~ Rev. Elder Troy Perry founded the Metropolitan Community Church.

Music video supports same-sex marriage

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

A touching video supports same-sex marriage -- at a time when group divorce is threatened for 18,000 same-sex marriages in California.  I was moved by seeing images of real gay and lesbian couples set to the song “Fidelity” by Regina Spektor.

Courage Campaign made the music video to inspire people to sign a petition to the California Supreme Court to protect same-sex marriage.  Petition deadline: Valentine’s Day!

News broke Tuesday (Feb. 3) that the state Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on March 5, then decide within 90 days about the validity of Prop 8 and the 18,000 marriages.

Ken Starr -- yes, the prosecutor who led the campaign to impeach President Bill Clinton -- filed a legal brief for the "Yes on 8" campaign. It would forcibly divorce the 18,000 same-sex couples married in California last year before the passage of Prop 8.

When Starr's legal brief went public in December, the Courage Campaign immediately launched the "Don't Divorce..." campaign, asking members to send pictures with a simple message. 

See those beautiful, powerful photos on the music video, and consider signing the petition at CourageCampaign.org.

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Cross-posted at the Jesus in Love Blog

When is Incest Not Incest?

[The following commentary continues our ongoing conversation on "Reconsidering Marriage."  Read Clayton's first two editorials "Reconsidering Marriage" and "Rick Warren Comes Out for Gay Rights," and additional commentary by our bloggers Azariah Southworth ("Show Rick Some Love") and Joe Perez ("What, was Jeremiah Wright busy?").]

The LGBT community is mistaken about the fight for marriage equality.  Many of us equate the battle for equal partnership rights with the war for equal respect and recognition of our relationships, and the two goals are not the same.

If Rev. Rick Warren - arguably the most influential Protestant minister in the world - is willing to come out in public and say we should have equal partnership rights, we have won a significant battle.  The fact that he does not afford our relationships with equal respect and recognition in his church is not what we are trying to change here, but that is the real reason why we have attacked him since: "He compared our love to incest and pedophilia! He won't let gays join his church!"

We all have different paradigms through which we interpret the world; that is why Gandhi said, "There are as many religions as there are people."  So what is Warren's paradigm that explains how he can say at the same time that he supports gay equal partnership rights and also declare that to him gay marriage is the same as "having a brother and sister together and call that marriage" or "one guy having multiple wives and calling that marriage?" 

If we look at the world through Warren's eyes, here's what I think we see:

Slightly more than 50 percent of households are headed by unmarried people, some single and some partnered, and almost a third of children in the United States are being raised in unmarried homes. About 40 percent of unmarried partner households, queer and heterosexual, have children under 18 years of age living in them. Many aging baby-boomers will spend a significant part of their senior years alone. Many will live with relatives or friends in non-conjugal relationships. Increasingly, both married and unmarried adults are serving as primary caregivers for aging and infirm parents or other relatives. Many people live in extended-family households. Needless to say, LGBT people in each of these categories often face the added burdens of homophobia and transphobia.

Requiring marriage as a way to access legal recognition and the economic support of a caring society is not a viable option for millions of households. Consider, for example, these kinds of families: senior citizens living together or serving as one another's caregivers, partners, or constructed families; close friends or siblings who live together in long-term, committed, non-conjugal relationships, serving as each other's primary support; extended families living under one roof (a practice common in many immigrant communities). [1]

Same-sex couples and these other diverse, non-traditional partnerships would benefit greatly from the rights and responsibilities currently only associated with heterosexual, conjugal marriage, but, while Rick Warren recognizes that these families would benefit from equal partnership rights, he rejects that those partnerships be called "Marriage."

This means that in Warren's paradigm, "having a brother and sister together and calling that marriage" doesn't necessarily mean incest. This is why he declared that he has never equated same-sex couples with incest or pedophilia - it wasn't what he meant.

The LGBT community should see beyond our own narrow issues and build a broad coalition, including Warren, to call for a broader definition of family so that marriage, for all who choose it, is only one option among many, not the only way people can access essential government protections and supports like unmarried partner access to health insurance, second-parent adoption, and survivor benefits for Social Security and pensions.

We should take this rare opportunity to fight for legislation to provide access to a flexible set of household benefits and options that are separated from the requirement of conjugal or marital relationship.

What form does victory take?  On December 30, Ali Shams and Kaelan Housewright, two straight California students, introduced a ballot measure to eliminate marriage from State legislation, guaranteeing everyone equal Domestic Partnership rights and voiding Prop 8.  If we can relinquish the word "marriage" to non-governmental (i.e. sacred) recognition, we have the chance to help millions of households by pursuing civil unions for all.  LGBT people will no longer be seen primarily as a self-interested constituency, but as partners in a larger, multiracial struggle for social and economic justice for all.

I believe we will eventually win the war for equal respect and recognition of our relationships, but let's go ahead and win the fight for equal partnership rights in the meantime.

Love,
Clayton

[1] This article includes quotes and statistics from KAY WHITLOCK's "The Perfect Storm: Why Progressives Must Reframe the Narrow Terms of Marriage Politics," PEACEWORK MAGAZINE, April 2007.

RICK WARREN COMES OUT FOR GAY RIGHTS

 

This SHOULD have been the headline around the world after the Rev. Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church and author of The Purpose Driven Life, gave this significant interview to Beliefnet.

Unfortunately, a misunderstanding of Warren’s comments has been widely and loudly disseminated by my fellow progressives, describing Warren as bigoted and hateful, when, in fact, his comments reflect an unusual depth of understanding about gay marriage as a civil rights issue.

 

Warren may be, as The Task Force warns, an outspoken opponent of reproductive choice and stem-cell research, and that should concern us, but he has never equated marriage between same-sex couples with incest and pedophilia.

 

In this video, posted on the Saddleback website on December 22, the Sunday before Christmas,  Warren says, flat-out, "I believe no such thing. I never have."  In the video, Warren explains again that he has always firmly believed that gay couples – and other non-traditional families – should have equal access to the rights and responsibilities of marriage.  He just doesn’t think it should be called “Marriage.”

Does this necessarily mean he is ready to give up his legal marriage and go to the wall for civil unions for everyone, as MyOutSpirit.com wondered in “Reconsidering Marriage: Are Gay Activists Fighting the Right Fight?”

Probably not. 

At the same time, framing this passionate and unrelentingly civil Christian leader as a hateful bigot in the style of Jerry Falwell is unacceptable and counter-productive.

I take that back.  Attacking Warren is only counter-productive if you value dignified and thoughtful coalition-building for the long-term success of our movement for the equal rights and recognition of LGBT families.

If your priority is increasing year-end fundraising, riling up your base, or keeping your issues in the news, then attacking Warren makes perfect sense.

We should be better than that, especially as spiritual LGBT people.  We should educate our community to have deep perspicacity about our issues, and to have the maturity to do the long-term work of creating change.

LGBT activists from around the country will convene in Denver, CO, at the end of January to train and network and get inspired at The Task Force’s Creating Change conference, and I hope the messages that emerge will reflect the world as it is, and not the twisted sound-bites and caricatures that too often define the discussion, as in the case of Rick Warren.

Let's resolve to do better in 2009.

Love,

Clayton

P.S. Of course, these are MY views and do not neccessarily reflect the views of MyOutSpirit.com or its thousands of members and resources.