MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

How to Pray for the End of LGBT Teen Suicide

What is the best SPIRITUAL response to LGBT teen suicides?

We're shocked and sad and angry every time the news breaks about another tragedy. We share the news on Facebook. We hold candlelight memorials. We speak out against bullying. We donate to The Trevor Project. 

Now, let's also focus our SPIRITUAL POWER on ending this suffering.

Each of us who believes in the Power of Prayer (or The Secret, creative visualization, tonglen, or Ho'oponopono) must now dedicate some portion of our practice to LGBT young people.

What does this mean?

We live in a creative universe. What we think about creates our individual experience, but those of us who believe in prayer also believe that what we pray about effects the world. 

DO NOT PRAY ABOUT LGBT TEEN SUICIDE.

Prayer and similar practices are creative - you get more of what you put energy toward. "Whatsoever you ask in my Name, that will I do." (John 14:13)

So when you do your spiritual work around this issue, do not pray from your grief, your anger, your compassion. Do not pray about the tragedy. Do not pray for this epidemic to stop. These would be negative prayers.

Instead, use positive prayer.

Pray for peace and healing and protection and Light and angels and Love to surround and lift up LGBT youth.

See it in your mind while you practice.

Imagine every LGBT teen laughing, living in joy, receiving love and support from all directions. 

If you can't wipe the memory of these tragedies from your spiritual practice: close your eyes; consciously witness the lost child's experience of bullying or loneliness - like a movie; and then, do it again, but make different choices. That is, imagine what the scenerio would have been if everything had gone right - if they'd found the strength, known what to say, who to tell, where to turn, how to get through it. Focus on this new sequence, and send it out into the universe as the new story of How Things Go. 

And then, BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

As I have written about before, there are actual concrete things we can do to bring the number of LGBT teen deaths by suicide down to ZERO.

But we have to do it together.

And we have to do it NOW.

 

ANGEL PHOTO: http://drakator.deviantart.com/art/Why-126135568

Remembering Tyler Clementi: Gay teen driven to suicide by cyber bullies

By Kittredge Cherry (Jesus in Love)

Tyler Clementi (1992-2010) brought international attention to bullying-related suicide of LGBT youth when he jumped to his death on Sept. 22, 2010 (one year ago today). Clementi was an 18-year-old freshman at Rutgers University in New Jersey when he died. A talented violinist, he came out to his parents as gay before leaving home for college.

Three days before his suicide, Clementi’s room mate used a webcam to secretly record Clementi kissing another man in their dorm room and streamed the video live over the Internet. In messages posted online before he took his own life, Clementi told how he complained to authorities about the cyber-bullying and asked for a new room assignment. Then he jumped off the George Washington Bridge. It took a week to find his body.

The room mate, Dharum Ravi, also 18 at the time, is charged with several crimes in connection with Clementi’s suicide, including invasion of privacy and bias intimidation. His accomplice, Molly Wei, avoided jail time by agreeing to testify against Ravi. He is scheduled to be back in court Oct. 20.

Anti-LGBT statements by public figures are also partly responsible for Clementi’s death. They created the hostile environment that drove Clementi to suicide. Artist Louisa Bertman emphasizes this point in her powerful ink illustration, “Tyler Clementi, JUMP!” She makes visible the hateful voices that may have been in Clementi’s mind. In her drawing, his head overflows with people urging him to jump.

They are politicians as well as the actual students who bullied him. Their names are listed in a stark statement at the bottom of the drawing: “Message brought to you by Sally Kern, Kim Meltzer, Nathan Deal, Carl Paladino, Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, Tom Emmer, Jeremy Walters, Rick Perry, Bob Vander Plaats, Dharun Ravi, & Molly Wei.”

Bertman, an artist based in Cambridge, Massachusetts, is known for her non-traditional portraits. Clementi’s highly publicized tragedy made him into a gay martyr whose untimely death put a public face on the problems of LGBT teenagers. His story sparked efforts to support LGBT youth, raise awareness of the harassment they face, and prevent suicide among queer young people. Another result is new legislation stiffening penalties for cyber harassment.

Clementi helped inspire the founding of the It Gets Better Project and Spirit Day. The It Get Better Project aims to stop suicide among LGBT teens with videos of adults assuring them that “it gets better.” Spirit Day, first observed on Oct. 20, 2010, is a day when people wear purple to show support for young LGBT victims of bullying.

Unfortunately Clementi’s experience is far from rare. Openly lesbian talk show host Ellen Degeneres spoke for many in a video message that put his suicide into context shortly after he died: “I am devastated by the death of 18-year-old Tyler Clementi….Something must be done. This month alone, there has been a shocking number of news stories about teens who have been teased and bullied and then committed suicide; like 13-year-old Seth Walsh in Tehachapi, California. Asher Brown, 13, of Cypress, Texas and 15-year-old Billy Lucas in Greensberg, Indiana. This needs to be a wake-up call to everyone: teenage bullying and teasing is an epidemic in this country, and the death rate is climbing.”

Help is available right now from the Trevor Project, a 24-hour national help line for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning teens. Contact them at 866 4U TREVOR or their website: thetrevorproject.org.

___ Kittredge Cherry is a lesbian author who blogs on LGBT spirituality and the arts at the Jesus in Love Blog, where this is cross-posted.

Image credit: “Tyler Clementi, Jump!” by Louisa Bertman

"Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day" will Announce that "God Loves Gays"

After an exciting start in Houston in February 2011, MyOutSpirit.com is working with organizations in Austin, Texas, and around the country to launch "Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day," June 25-26, 2011.

"We hope this interfaith event connecting LGBTQ teens with open-and-affirming faith communities will help prevent LGBTQ youth deaths by suicide," says MyOutSpirit.com founder, Clayton Gibson. "Thousands of churches, temples, synagogues and other spiritual communities are LGBTQ-affirming, and this event will help them get the word out. For once it's not about politics, not about equality. This time, it's about serving the spiritual needs of LGBTQ teens and their families."

 

As the crowd-funding campaign page for "Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day" explains:

As LGBTQ-affirming clergy,

Spiritual teachers,

People of faith, and 

Parents, friends and family members of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer and questioning youth,

We were all alarmed by the spike in LGBTQ youth deaths by suicide last fall. An April 2011 study found that roughly 20% of gay, lesbian and bisexual teens said they had made a suicide attempt, versus 4% of straight kids. 

Young people who live in areas with a more negative cultural climate towards LGBTQ issues are at an increased risk. Some 70% of calls to The Trevor Project's suicide hotline come from the southern and central regions of the United States.

Two out of three Americans agree with us that gay people suffer discrimination and violence and die from suicide at least partly because of anti-gay messages coming out of churches and other places of worship. We wondered:

What can WE do to help prevent gay teen suicide? 

We believe that LGBTQ-affirming spiritual guidance and community can help lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer and questioning youth who are in crisis. 

We know from personal experience that deep community and spiritual practices like prayer, meditation, mindfulness, forgiveness and yoga help human beings weather hard times. Bringing an LGBTQ teen to a certified welcoming church, synagogue, temple, sangha or other spiritual community can help empower them to "Make It Better" starting today.

That's why we invite your donation to support "Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day."

We want to change the cultural mindset by making it common knowledge that many spiritual communities would love to welcome, support and inspire LGBTQ young people, without trying to change their sexual orientation or gender identity. 

 

We can replace the incorrect assumption that LGBTQ people are "an abomination"

with our message that "God Loves Gays." 

Most importantly, we want every LGBTQ youth to hear that they are sacred, whole, valuable and loved, just as they are. And we want their parents, families and classmates to hear it, too!

Striking at the Root of Bullying: Lead With Love

“For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.” (Thoreau)

Since the spike in reporting of gay teen suicides last fall, Anti-Bullying legislation and awareness has sky-rocketed.  “No-tolerance” policies and similar efforts to keep all students safe are one important way of reducing undesirable behavior, but they do not address the root causes of bullying. We think it’s a spiritual problem. 

In this series, MyOutSpirit.com asks LGBTQ spiritual leaders what the root causes of bullying are and how we can heal them in our children and ourselves. 

{Mary Anne Flanagan, Toning the OM}

Anytime we remove human dignity, we are bullying.

Whether in the streets of Libya or Cairo, classrooms in the inner city, college dorm rooms, or Gay Pride Parades – when we make others feel less-than with our words or actions – we are bullies. It’s the mentality of creating separation through comparison.

We have grown up with it – winter/summer, light/dark, right/left, masculine/feminine, power/vision and on and on. But maybe now is the time to release dissimilar energies and welcome complimentary opposites. This offers all of us an opportunity to look more deeply at our “us-vs-them” mentality.

In his book, Us and Them: Understanding Your Tribal Mind, David Berreby explains why people are wedded to the notion that they belong to differing tribe-like categories. David Berreby describes how each person creates his own mind map, identifies others with similar mind maps and ostracizes all those who are different. Based in solid scientific research, David Berreby exposes new discoveries about the mind and brain. It’s a book about looking at “human-kind” thinking.

According to neuroscience research, there are approximately 20,000 moments in each day. A moment is defined as the few seconds our brains record an experience. At every moment we are presented with either an opportunity or a threat. Since the beginning of time, we were more likely to view the world as a threat – survival of the fittest. But through evolution, we have learned to co-operate, collaborate, and co-habitate.

Whether in a positive psychology class, management course, or neuroscience research, there is a lot of information about the benefits of working in teams or seeing each other as opportunities over threats. We can choose opportunities which release neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin (neurotransmitters that make us feel good) or we can choose threats which release cortisol (often what makes us feel defensive and even withdrawn).

When we stay angry at a person or group it not only creates an us-vs-them mentality, it can actually affect our health. According to Positive Psychology founder, Martin Seligman, forgiveness can actually increase our overall health and well-being.  As Seligman says, “People who are forgiving have less anger, less depression, less hostility, and are less neurotic and less vengeful. Forgiveness increases your own happiness.”

We have all been bullied in some form or fashion. Growing up as a tomboy, I was often teased for looking and acting too masculine. I could play sports better than some boys in my class and they in turn felt threatened and lashed out with verbal put-downs. I stopped playing sports because I wanted to fit in.

Later, when I came out, I was bullied at gay pride parades and marches. I even had bottles thrown at me.  But as an adult, I was able to see this as an opportunity. Now, I had the opportunity to teach others that I am not a threat to them. I could live life as an open, honest, loving gay woman. I choose to believe that my life of service, generosity, and love is meaningful and full of hope.

Our tendency may be to create more rules and laws for anti-bullying, but what if we focused on pro-love instead? When we teach kids to stop bullying, we are focusing on fear, us-vs-them. We are telling kids (and adults) how not to behave, when instead we could be teaching a more positive and proactive approach. We can teach them how to love themselves and in turn, one another. We can live with complimentary opposites. In fact, our world learns from a place of intercultural diversity, engaging dialogs, and a movement away from traditional ideas of diversity towards richer concepts of differences.

We don't need more “anti” laws. We need “pro” actions. As Byron Katie says, “Love is action.” It's for something. Love stands up and says “I'm here. What do you want more of?”

The bottom line is you can’t change others, but you can change yourself and when you do, you can change your ideas about others, thereby creating new wiring in your brain that allows for opportunity – one that’s enveloped with actions of love.

And the truth is I can’t teach you to love – all I can do is BE love and hope you see that when love leads, love follows.

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Mary Anne Flanagan is a Certified Life Coach, Shamanic Practitioner and Teacher workshop facilitator, inspired speaker, and creator of Toning the OM™.  Mary Anne Flanagan/Toning the OM™: maflanagan@toningtheom.com or 917.238.9726. Visit http://www.toningtheom.com

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Striking at the Root of Bullying: Healing the Bully Heart

“For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.” (Thoreau)

Since the spike in reporting of gay teen suicides last fall, Anti-Bullying legislation and awareness has sky-rocketed.  “No-tolerance” policies and similar efforts to keep all students safe are one important way of reducing undesirable behavior, but they do not address the root causes of bullying. We think it’s a spiritual problem. 

In this series, MyOutSpirit.com asks LGBTQ spiritual leaders what the root causes of bullying are and how we can heal them in our children and ourselves. 

Lani Kwon Meilgaard, MA, Founder, Creating Co-Empowerment Center:

The root of bullying is the bully’s own hurt and anger. The bully suffered humiliation as a child and needs to feel bigger than whoever initially hurt her or him. The bully acts out of the false worldview that if the bully punches or puts down someone else, she/he will be superior to them and, thus, overcome their own past traumas.

I speak from personal experience, having been on both sides of that equation. I was never a bully as a regular practice, but I have often been triggered by my own past trauma to lash out at innocent people. 

We must remember that all of us can be bullies and victims, but in order to overcome trauma we must be willing to take responsibility for our own healing: admit something is wrong, seek support and be willing to be honest in order to delve into the abyss of our suffering and come out clean and transformed on the other side.

Parents and teachers need to be aware of their own biases and prejudices, and the Shadow parts of themselves that they hate and were taught were not okay. Healed parents and teachers can more effectively prevent and reform bullies, both through instruction and by modeling good behavior. With Unconditional Love and Self- and Other-Acceptance we can each embrace the bully/victim inside and transform him or her into a Survivor.

I asked one of the best English/Life teachers I have ever had (David Langen, retired after 30+ years of teaching at Pearl City High School) about what he thought parents and teachers could and should do: “Letting them get away with it is the root of bullying. Kids have to let adults know they are getting bullied, and then the adults can't drop the ball. The principal of the school has to make it clear that bullying isn't tolerated. Kids have to believe there will be justice and safety.” 

Still, the cause of all violence is the illusion or delusion that “others” are the problem, when in truth each of us is responsible for our own actions, words and thoughts. 

Bullies really think and believe that others are bullying them, and that they have to strike out before others get them.  I've seen it in action several times.

Thus, in order to “strike at the root” of the problem, we are called upon to reach out in compassion to others, even bullies.  Maybe most of all to those who cause others hurt. (Within reason.  I'm not advocating self-sacrifice or rescuing others who can’t be or don’t wish to be supported.  Rather I offer the suggestion that we reach out in compassion to one another as human beings when all concerned are willing to pull their own weight and offer their fair share.)

As Marianne Williamson once said, “May we not succumb to thoughts of violence and revenge today, but rather to thoughts of mercy and compassion. We are to love our enemies that they might be returned to their right minds.” 

We must be willing to not only “turn the other cheek” but also to reach out to those who seem to be our enemies in order to heal the root cause of bullying and in order to heal our divided world.

 

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Lani Kwon Meilgaard, MA has over two decades of experience in crisis counseling, teaching, public speaking and writing, and she combined these interests into a successful coaching practice in Honolulu, Hawaii.  The Creating Co-Powerment® Center LLC serves and supports people going through many different types of life transitions and transformations: graduation, career change, identity crisis, coming out, moving, divorce, recovery, retirement, etc....  S/He believes that each person already knows what they are here to do and, if it resonates with them to do so, would benefit from additional tools and guidance to recover/discover/uncover this Truth within. http://www.creatingcopowerment.com

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Houston Celebrates Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day

Almost two dozen Houston-area churches have designated this Sunday as Bring Your Gay Teen to Church Day.

"We think it's important for families to know there's a safe place to go to worship," said Jim Bankston, senior minister at St. Paul's United Methodist Church. "Families who have gay members want to make sure they feel welcome in church and aren't bashed in any way..."

Each participating church will handle Sunday's services differently. Jaxn Hussey, now a sophomore at Klein High School, made beaded bracelets and handed them out at school, along with information about Plymouth United Church of Christ.

"I really want gay teens like myself to have a place where they feel truly accepted, where they can be who they are," he said. "And that place is Plymouth."

The Rev. Ginny Brown Daniel and members of the congregation "showed me God doesn't hate you because you're gay," he said.

That was important to his parents.

"When a child tells you they're gay, you don't want to change your plan for him," Ebie Hussey said. "I still want him to be a doctor. I still want him to marry a doctor. I still want him to be Christian."

Read the full article in the Houston Chronicle.

Fred Phelps and Family - You're Loved

{from Azariah Southworth, http://azariahspeaks.blogspot.com/}

In May 2010, Ray Boltz and I were in Long Beach, CA  as part of our national tour, "Living True." So was the Phelps family of Westboro Baptist Church. 

The Westboro Baptist Church is primarily made up of the Phelps family. They're famous for protesting American soldiers funerals and gay events, such as the one Ray and I were attending. Their signs such as, "God hates fags" and "Thank God for dead soldiers" has infuriated people all over the world. So much so, there is a pending Supreme Court case, which if it doesn't go in their favor, would limit or even silence their hate speech. 

I heard the Phelps family would be in Long Beach the same weekend as Ray and I. When I woke up that Saturday morning, I heard shouting outside my hotel room. I went over to the window and pulled back the curtain. There they were, ten stories below me, with their infamous signs in tow. 

I immediately became excited. I've wanted to meet the Phelps family for years now. There were so many things I've thought about saying and doing to them. However, since my transition from a faith based in fear to a faith based in love, I no longer had the desire to do any of those things anymore. 

Instead of responding to them out of fear, I could only think of how I could respond out of love. But what would that look like? 

I found a corner store nearby and bought five bottles of water. I figured it was warm that day and they might be thirsty. 

Estranged son of Fred Phelps, Nate Phelps, has recently started speaking out about his experience of growing up in the Phelps family. In a exclusive interview with The Standard, Nate revealed his father, Fred, would physically beat his mother for hours and also abuse the children the same. 

When I saw them outside my hotel window that Saturday morning, I no longer saw people who hate me because I'm gay. I saw victims of Fred Phelps. I saw people who have never experienced unconditional love and are controlled by the fear of going to hell. 

As I approached them, I grew nervous, but went up to each one and asked, "Are you thirsty?" All of them said no, as I thought they would, "Well, if you get thirsty, here is some water. It's warm out, you need to stay hydrated." Before I walked away, I attempted to look at each of them in the eyes and tell them, "I want you to know, you're loved." Only one of them responded to that... Mara Phelps. 

With her soft spoken voice she told me that we must obey all the laws of God or face his judgment. I asked Mara, "When was the moment you experienced the love of God?"

Mara looked down then up again at me and said, "I don't even know if God loves me." 

It was then I reassured her that God does love her. I then shared with her the moment I experienced the love of God which has changed my life. Mara listened, I thanked her for listening and one last time looked at her in the eyes and said, "Mara, you're loved." 

If it wasn't for God's love transforming me, there would have been no way I could have done anything more than join in with the 50+ counter protesters and yell back at these victims of Fred Phelps. It is only because of the unconditional love of God continuously transforming me that I could respond in love to their extremely hateful message. 

That Saturday morning, I made a new friend... her name is Mara Phelps and God loves her. 

Be love, 
Azariah Southworth

ZERO GAY SUICIDES: An LGBTQ Big Hairy Audacious Goal

We were all moved by the increased reporting on the epidemic of LGBT teen suicides last autumn, and many clergy, teachers, politicians and everyday folks have taken action to stop bullying and support queer youth.  But we can do more to take the gay teen suicide rate from 4x that of heterosexuals to ZERO.

Let's agree to a "Big Hairy Audacious Goal" to guide our efforts: ZERO GAY SUICIDES.

If our goal is ZERO GAY SUICIDES, what do we need to do differently as an LGBTQ community?

Share your ideas and actions on the discussion page of our Facebook page.

My first thoughts about how to achieve ZERO GAY SUICIDES are:

BUILD DEEP COMMUNITY.  A major contributor to gay teen suicide is feelings of loneliness and isolation.  How can we remedy this as an LGBTQ community?  Well, we talk a lot about supporting the MACRO LGBTQ community - the institutional and social level - but we don't talk much about supporting the MICRO LGBTQ community - the personal level.  Could we revise our concept of LGBTQ community so that it's centered around ALL of us participating in small, diverse groups grounded in honesty, safety, and openness?  Could we train each other to exchange effective help and support with one another?  Could we create a gay culture that encourages nonjudgmental sharing and listening, and close interaction with people who are different than you?  Can we build an LGBTQ community in which no one feels alone? Could we reconceive "Coming Out" to involve not only telling someone you're LGBTQ but also an enfoldment into this kind of Deep Community?  (And since this IS MyOutSpirit, could our mental, spiritual health professionals and elders lead these groups?)

SPREAD INSPIRATION AND GUIDANCE.  Two out of three Americans agree with us that gay people commit suicide at least partly because of anti-gay messages coming out of churches and other places of worship.  These messages are a cause of the feelings of shame and unworthiness (and social ostracization) that contribute to gay teen suicide.  As anyone reading this MyOutSpirit.com blog knows, it's not that the truth about the sanctity of LGBTQ people isn't available.  Soulforce's "The Debate is Over, the Verdict is In: Not a Sickness, Not a Sin," for example, lays out the most recent biblical, medical, psychiatric, psychological, and scientific evidence to combat myths and lies often used against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons by anti-gay religious leaders and institutions.  The information is out there, but it's not reaching enough people.  We can do more to spread inspiration and guidance to LGBTQ people. This is why MyOutSpirit plans to distribute a free MyOutSpirit Magazine - we've got to get this information in the hands of those who need it most.  (You can become a distributor in your community by filling out this form.)  Ministers, counselors, and other body/mind/spirit professionals are invited to make short instructional videos that help LGBTQ teens improve their lives immediately at YouMakeItBetter.org.  

EDUCATE OURSELVES AND OTHERS.  Everyone in our community should learn to practice mindful listening.  When a 20-year-old gay acquaintance of mine asked his friends at the bar, "Do you think God lets gays into heaven?" none of them heard it as a cry for help until his body had been discovered hanging in a closet the next day.  We have to learn the warning signs and how to help.  We also need to do the deep work of opening straight hearts and minds, not just for equality, but also to eliminate all harm caused by ignorance and fear of "the Other."  We should actively participate in GLSEN's Safe Spaces Campaign and other organizations' programs that educate the general public about the unique needs and challenges of queer youth. 

Finally, a few rules of thumb as we work toward ZERO GAY SUICIDES.

1. Faster is better.  We don't have to wait until we have the perfect small group model or the perfect plan or the perfect organization or the perfect whatever to make these changes.  We will experiment and fail and that's okay.  But the LGBTQ teens who are in crisis today can't wait.
2. Change is free.  Other than our magazine, none of the suggestions above will cost a dime. Changing the way we choose to form community is free.  Spreading information is free. Education is free.  The only cost is the time and effort of everyone who wants ZERO GAY SUICIDES.
3. Recycle.  We don't need to recreate the wheel.  All this stuff exists, we just need to use what we've got.  

 What are your ideas?  What are you already doing?  What are you willing to do to achieve ZERO GAY SUICIDES?  Join the discussion on Facebook.

It Gets Better Because You MAKE It Better

Dear Queer Youth,

By now you've probably watched at least one of the amazing videos from the "It Gets Better" Project (if not, here's my favorite so far).

Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and ally people of all ages, races and religions are making videos to let you know that, even though there are challenging times growing up and coming out - junior high and high school, for instance - "It gets better."  Eventually, if you hold on, you will overcome the bullies, you'll get stronger, and you will find love.  

If you're going through a particularly tough time now and don't know how you can stand to face tomorrow, you can always talk to someone at 1-866-488-7386.  (Donate $5 to The Trevor Project hotline by texting Trevor to 85944.)

Obviously, if you're being bullied or abused, the first step is to TELL SOMEONE.  Get help.  If the first authority figure you tell doesn't help, tell someone else.  That almost goes without saying, but it takes courage to stand up or to admit something's hurting.

But here's the secret nobody's really telling you:  Making it better is up to you.

Don't get me wrong - it really DOES get better with time, and it really DOES get better after high school, and everyone in those videos is right to share their stories of overcoming hardship, discrimination and suicidal thoughts - it really helps to hear that other people have been through what you're going through and come out okay.

But here's the thing: nothing happens if you don't do anything.

Let's try an experiment!

Sit in your chair, close your eyes and think very hard about getting up and going into the kitchen.  Think about this for 30 seconds.

Okay, how far did you move? 

You DIDN'T!  Getting up and going into the kitchen is just like making your life happy - you have to take the small actions to change things!

Ah, but what action to take to "Make It Better?" 

Many of the "It Gets Better" video stars talk about how great it was when they got out of their small town and moved to (wherever).  While there's something to be said for getting away from an abusive situation, if your problem is depression, shame and suicidal thoughts, just changing your environment may not be enough.  Besides, maybe you're not old enough to move out on your own, and don't want to join the 500,000 homeless LGBT youth already on the streets.

The most important thing you can do to "Make It Better" is to train your mind to be happy, and practice doing the things that improve your life.

You can't always control your environment.  You can't control what other people say or do.  Bad things sometimes happen to everyone at any age. 

But you CAN learn to control how you respond.

I'm not saying it's easy, especially when you're in crisis or distracted by raging hormones!  At the same time, it's possible, and thousands of years of research has been conducted!

Both ancient and New Age meditation traditions can provide you with inspiration and instruction in training your mind so that, no matter what happens to you, you can maintain a stable, happy mental state.  Meditation and affirmations can even help you conquer negative thoughts and habits.

Easy for me to say, right?  Of course I'm going to point you in that direction since I run MyOutSpirit.com, a social network for spiritual LGBTQ people, but hey, if starting a Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Silva Mind Training or other meditation practice doesn't sound good to you, I have another recommendation.

I recently read YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, a book by Louise Hay that is all about retraining your mind to think happy, healing thoughts.  It really helped me take responsiblity for my own happiness.  I am happier every day because I read and applied some of the simple instructions in this book.  Check it out at the library or click here to buy it from Amazon.com, and see if it helps you, too.

This book is easy to read.  Some of it may seem silly (her mirror-work was famously mocked on Saturday Night Live), but with 40 million books sold, you have to admit something's working for people.  Like any other inspirational book, read it with discernment.  It's okay to feel silly.  It's okay to not agree with everything.  Keep your eyes and heart open.  Experiment.  Play.  See what happens. 

Whatever actions you choose to help you control your own mind and your own life and your own destiny - what you do to MAKE IT BETTER - know that there are millions of us supporting you and loving you unconditionally and eager to see the amazing person and life you create for yourself. 

Hang in there. 

YOU CAN MAKE IT BETTER.

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photo: "Fight Club II" by Michael Winkler

To LGBT Youth: It Gets Better

“It gets better” is the theme of my new video message to LGBT youth. 

I made the video as part of the It Gets Better Project, a new website where LGBT adults can share stories of hope with LGBT youth.  Straight allies -- including President Obama -- also make messages of support there.

The project was founded in September by gay author Dan Savage in response to the recent suicides by gay teenagers who were harassed for their sexual orientation.  It grew quickly, reaching 1,000 videos, 100,000 supporters and 10 million video views. 

In my video I recall how mean boys yelled “lezzie” at me in school when I was growing up in Iowa.  But even worse than the bullying was the loneliness.  But life got better. I grew up and I’m still together with the wonderful woman who was my college sweetheart.  We came out as lesbians to our families and on the job, and the world didn’t end.  In fact, it got better!  For me it also got better because I realized that there is a God, and God loves me just as I am.  I became an openly lesbian minister and author.

Many GLBT youths can’t picture what their lives might be like as openly queer adults.  The “It Gets Better” videos allow them to see with their own eyes that they can have a future with love and happiness.

I also signed the “It Gets Better” pledge: “Everyone deserves to be respected for who they are. I pledge to spread this message to my friends, family and neighbors. I'll speak up against hate and intolerance whenever I see it, at school and at work. I'll provide hope for lesbian, gay, bi, trans and other bullied teens by letting them know that ‘It Gets Better.’”

To take the pledge, see more videos or submit your own video, visit:
http://www.itgetsbetterproject.com/

See my video, click the image above or click here
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This was written by Kittredge Cherry, a lesbian Christian author who blogs on LGBT spirituality and the arts at the Jesus in Love Blog.