MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

Justice for Laurel Hester and Stacie Andree

Take a good look at these five guys. They are the face of compassionate conservatism, or at least one of its faces. They are the five Ocean County freeholders who denied lesbian cop Laurel Hester's request that her pension go to her partner Stacie Andree. Hester is dying of lung cancer, and her pension would allow Andree to keep the home they have shared. One of these guys, John Kelly, said earlier that granting Hester's request, and thus allowing Andree to keep their home, would “violate the sanctity of marriage.” The five have refused to make further comments, but issued a statement claiming “cost considerations” in the denial of Hester's request.

You can send them a message about their stance on “morality” and “values” in Hester and Andree's case, by contacting the Clerk of the Board at (732) 288 7777 or, from outside the USA +1 732 288 7777, or via email at CountyConnection@co.ocean.nj.us

For what it's worth, the five freeholders may not be typical of straight guys in Ocean County, NJ. At least one who has worked alongside Hester is appealing for justice in Hester and Andree's case.

Queer Irony for Straight Weddings

Maybe I'm taking things way too seriously. Maybe I'm still seething over the news in the previous post. But last night even something like Bravo's Queer Eye, is causing my blood pressure to rise and not in a good way. Don't get me wrong. I love the guys from Queer Eye. In particular, Jai and Kyan can make me a little wobbly and short of breath.

But happening to catch a preview of what's coming up on the show, I felt a little ill upon learning that they're devoting something like an entire month to weddings, starting December 6th. And of course, given the show's basic M.O., it's the legal variety. You know? The kind that the guys on the show can't have. Like I said, maybe I'm taking things way too seriously, but I'm failing to see the entertainment value in five queer guys moving heaven and earth to help straight people access rights and protections that the queer guys themselves can't (except in Massachusetts, of course).

Technorati Tags: current events, gay rights, television

Marriage, Justice & Compassion Denied

Talk to me all you want about why gradual social change is the better in the long run, but there's not much of a chance I'll buy it. It's easy to say when you're not the one needing the change to happen, but justice delayed is justice denied to someone. When it comes to couples like Laurel Hester and Stacey Andree, I think the alleged long-term virtues of gradualism will be pretty cold comfort.

When lung cancer finally kills Laurel Hester -- and it will, in a matter of months -- she wants to know that her domestic partner, Stacie Andree, won't lose their home in Point Pleasant.

That legacy, however, is in doubt.

Ocean County's freeholders have refused to act on a request from Hester, an investigator for 23 years in the county prosecutor's office, to provide domestic partner benefits for gay and lesbian employees under a state law enacted last year. Without a resolution by the freeholders, her pension benefits cannot go to Andree.

"That's not what I hoped for with the legislation," said Sen. John Adler (D-Camden), a prime sponsor. "It's a missed opportunity for Ocean County to show that it respects families. ... It's a crummy, cold decision."

The surviving spouse benefit amounts to about $13,000 a year and would be paid from the state pension fund. For Andree, an auto mechanic, the money would "mean the difference in whether or not she can stay in the house," Hester said.

When the Legislature passed the Domestic Partners Act of 2004, it covered all state employees. The act also changed state law to permit -- but not require -- counties, cities and other local government entities to provide pension and health care benefits for domestic partners of their employees.

Lose your spouse, lose your house. It's just another cost of being gay in America. I've seen stories like this before -- the last one was about a similar dilemma facing Rene Price and Betty Jordan -- and it never ceases to make my blood boil. Tell me that America needs to "hear our stories" before we can make any real progress on marriage equality, etc. In the meantime it means that "stories" like that of Hester and Andree will continue to happen, with little to no remedy available.

No marriage, no equality, no justice. And that Hester spend 23 years of her life working on behalf of justice in her community, only to have it denied to her and her spouse is simply the icing on the cake. Kinda makes you proud to be an American, don' t it?

Technorati Tags: current events, gay rights, politics, religious

Weddings for All or None

Here's an encouraging story. A Presbyterian church in Arlington, Virginia, takes a principled stand on gay marriage: until gays are allowed to marry legally, it will no longer perform any weddings. Instead, it will perform blessing ceremonies that are not legally binding, so the couples will need to go to city hall to have a legal wedding performed.

"What we're saying is that in the commonwealth of Virginia, the laws that govern marriage are unjust and unequal," said Ensign, 45, who has served as the church's pastor since 2003. He said that the matter had been bothering him for months and that he suggested the policy to the congregation's leaders because his conscience would not allow him to continue performing legal marriages on the state's behalf.

Not everyone sees the matter so clearly. A Republican state senator is quoted as saying, "I think it's a shame that this clergyman would seek to undermine traditional marriage, which is the foundation of American society." How exactly does the church's protest undermine marriage? Oh, never mind. Expecting rational arguments from most opponents of same-sex marriage is just too much to ask.

And so we see that the spirit of equality and fairness and love of neighbor continues to spread, even as the forces of ignorance and darkness occasionally do rear their ugly head... 

Thanks to GetReligion for the link.

Study: same-sex parents raise well-adjusted kids

Once again, research has shown no difference between kids raised by same-sex parents and those raised by heterosexual couples. Specifically, the study found no difference regarding self-esteem, gender identity, or emotional problems.  Read the full article here.

Research like this is important in these times when adoption and foster care are being politicized by the religious right.  It's not just a gay rights issue; denying kids access to lesbian and gay parents denies them good parental care.

How far can tolerance go?

Revised Version

The term "tolerance" is a buzzword applied like a Band-Aid to religious fractures. How far can tolerance really go, especially with Religious Belief (A) directly challenges Religious Belief (B), beliefs held by two citizens of a freedom-loving democracy? I'm thinking of a concrete example which, naturally, originates from my experience.

I consider myself a "religious humanist", meaning that I do not automatically assume that religious expressions are invalid or untrue. At the same time, my focus is not the life after, nor Eternal Truths pointed to by scriptures, but the appropriation of these Truths in the present world. My parents and my sister are Christians. Of the born-again, evangelical, Reformed and Presbyterian sort. Most people would apply the term "fundamentalist" to them, but that would be unfair. They simply believe that God has spoken to his people through the Bible, and that certain things, like the resurrection, atonement, and the incarnation, are True.

Of Mice and Mitochondria

The Supreme Court of California recently granted a lesbian woman child support from her former partner.  The court's summary reads this way:

...we conclude that a woman who agreed to raise children with her lesbian partner, supported her partner’s artificial insemination using an anonymous donor, and received the resulting twin children into her home and held hem out as her own, is the children’s parent under the Uniform Parentage Act and has an obligation to support them.

Note the emphasis in the decision:

1.  The woman agreed to raise children (contractual language)
2.  The woman supported artificial insemination of her partner
3. The woman held [the children] out as her own during the duration of their partnership

These are the reasons that the court agreed in favor of the woman left behind in the relationship to care for the children.  They are the same reasons that a court would decide that a man who left his opposite-sex partner, after a period of cohabitation, with adopted children, could be responsible for child support.  Regardless of gender, the two opposite-sex people entered into a contract and should recognize that the care of their child does not end if their romantic relationship does.

Meanwhile, the governor is planning to veto a bill designed to expand marital rights (and responsibilities, such as child support) to same-sex couples.

Our Space

It’s hard to be a gay blogger, especially one who has come out of an evangelical background, and not write about Zach Stark.  I’ve refrained from writing about him, partly because others were doing so, and partly because I am a bit gunshy when it comes to commenting on the lives of private individuals.

Unfortunately for Zach (but fortunately for the dialogue in this country), he ceased to be a private individual, at least in part, when he began posting on MySpace.  Now, having finished an 8 week stint at LIA/R, Zach is asking for his own space.

I, for one, am going to give it to him.  This has, however, given me impetus to think about my life as a sixteen-year old (a short ten years ago!) and my own journey “into the homosexual lifestyle” as Zach’s counselors might put it.  While I never went to a residential ministry like him, I did consider it—and my parents did suggest it at least once, offering to pay. 

Compassion/Conflict in Maryland

The writer of this week’s New York Times cover story, “What’s Their Real Problem with Gay Marriage? (It’s the Gay Part)” tells a vignette at the close of her article which, to her, summarizes the immensity of the divide in America over this issue.  Laura Clark, a lesbian who testified at the Maryland State Legislature about the civil rights bill which Bob Ehrlich recently vetoed, described to the author being accosted by an anti-gay activist who “confronted her with bitter language.” She was shaken, she said.  Lisa Polyak, a pro-marriage activist, told a warm story of how she “approached a blond lesbian and talked to her about the effect that gay marriage would have on her grandchildren.”  Then she hugged the lesbian woman, told her that she loved her, out of what Polyak described as “compassion.”

The writer concludes, “I realized I was hearing about the same encounter from both sides. What was expressed as love was received as something close to hate. That's a hard gap to bridge.”

Married But Celibate...?

Once again the Anglican/Episcopal church (of which I am a member) has come up with a "middle of the road" position in an attempt to make both sides happy -- and ends up with a ludicrous position that just annoys both sides.  The Sunday Times of Britain tells the story:  Church to let gay clergy 'marry' but they must stay celibate.