Your email address:

Powered by FeedBlitz

Blog powered by Typepad
AddThis Social Bookmark Button
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Header image by Mieszko Gorski

« A Different Take on the "Gay Spirituality" Movement | Main | Visit Integral Naked on Monday »

August 02, 2004



This is a great article on dealing with the inner conflicts of anger and how to work on resolution- first focusing on inner values that help shape our environment. It is kind of like the addage, 'He doesn't make you angry, you allow yourself to get angry.' Very insightful stuff here, thanks Joe!

I would like to point out one thing I disagreed with, and this is where you said,

"I began thinking about how from birth we are devalued as gays and lesbians. From the beginning as are cradled in our parent’s arms, we are neglected in terms of the expectation that we are heterosexual. One of the cruelest forms of punishment is to ignore someone. We are ignored from the very beginning. We all know the rest of the story about how we bury our core selves and go into hiding for being ashamed of who we are."

I wonder how a parent can neglect an infant in terms of heterosexual expectation when the parent is most concerned with caring for their newest family member. Since most kids don't fully register their sexual orientation until they are into puberty (okay, some sooner than others)- there really isn't a beginning of hetero- expectation that begins in infancy that both the parent and child understand as such.

To say that we're 'ignored from the very beginning' is a too broad a generalization that really doesn't make much sense (to me). It almost sounds like pandering to those who like 'to blame' rather than understanding that each parent and child has expectations of one another. To go all that way back and presuppose a parents heterosexual expectation somehow devalues the child seems ridiculous. If a parent continues such expectations when the child begins to display homosexual behavior or curiosity, or, always speak to the child as if there weren't other options of orientation, then you would most definately be 'right on target,' in my opinion.

All this said though, I love what you wrote and especially love your book, Ten Smart Things.. I reread and recommend it often.

And, I am soooooooo glad to have found this blog today. As a openly gay pastor, it is just the spirituality I need. Kudos to all of you!

Joe Kort


I appreciate your feedback. My point is that while the infant cannot internalize what the parents expectations are in terms of sexuality and romantic orientation, there is no expectation of the infant being gay. In other words, from the beginning our gay identities are not acknowledged. When my nephews were born my relatives talked freely at the briss about future wives, children, heterosexual development and not once did anyone positively expect a gay life (except me of course!).
That being said, I do think that our being ignored starts even before birth and that before and after we arrive, our homosexual selves are not even in peoples thoughts except in terms of fear. It is not about blame as much as it about accountability and fact that most people do not think about babies or infants being gay. They dream of heterosexual children not gay ones.



I stumbled across your blog entry today. My Partner and I have hit a place in our relationship that has caused us to separate. She is my one true love. Last week I treated her poorly and responded to a situation with anger. Anger I didn't even know existed within me on that level. Having had some time to think about my behavior and knowing that a short temper runs in my family, I thought maybe I should do some research on Anger Management. A quick Google search and your site is where I landed.

Though my comment will not be as profound as your entry or even the comment by Bo, I wanted you to know that your blog inspired me to take a look within myself. Rather than run to an anger management class, I will check out the link you've listed above and look at this from a different prospective.

Thank you for the information. I was led to your site by my higher power for a reason and it won't be wasted. I have added you to my favorites and look forwarding to reading this site more often.


The comments to this entry are closed.