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« American Airlines: in-air kissing okay for straights, not gays | Main | The integral framework (part 1) »

September 23, 2006

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Steve

It’s interesting to note that those people who are most opposed to gay marriage, claiming that they are out to protect its permanence and “sanctity” are the people who seem to do the least effective job of either.

Check out the following report of religion and divorce rates: http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_dira.htm

The group with the second highest divorce rate are those people who refer to themselves as born again Christians. Among that group, Baptists have the second highest divorce rate.

I’m not trying to direct animosity toward this group but, rather, point out that this group, especially among southern states, has been the most vocal about opposition to gay marriage. On the surface it appears to be a case of “Do as I say, not as I do.” But I think there is much more to the problem.

The following quote by Donald Hughes was very appropriate, “In the churches, people have a superstitious view that Christianity will keep them from divorce, but they are subject to the same problems as everyone else, and they include a lack of relationship skills. ...Just being born again is not a rabbit's foot.”

Having grown up in both Baptist and charismatic churches I think that one of the biggest problems with marriages among members of these religious organizations is that they continue to hold to beliefs about the nature of marriage that are no longer congruent with Western society and culture.

It is still widely accepted, especially among pastoral circles, that the man is the head of the household, is responsible for providing for the family, and that women are expected to be subservient to their husbands. Many of these people still demonize feminism and use the Bible to further their ideology that women are not suitable to be clergy, deacons, etc.

This creates a problem for married couples because they are expected to live according to the church’s beliefs and teachings but these are not reflective of reality which can be very difficult. In southern states where household income levels are the lowest, it can be next to impossible for married couples with children to live off one income.

This leads to conflicting information for men because they are seen as a failure when they cannot provide adequately for the family. Pressure is then surmounted on the women because they are expected to be caregivers for their children but have to seek out employment in order for the family to survive. In order for them to be competitive in the job market they must be assertive, take on roles of management, etc. which then puts them at odds with their churches, husbands, and clergy.

In addition to this, many times when these couples seek out relationship advice or counseling from their clergy members, the information that they have already been presented with is merely repeated at a higher intensity and they are unfortunately told things such as their faith may be lacking, their not living according to Biblical standards, etc. They are not given the tools they need in order navigate their relationship adequately and solve their problems.

It’s not surprising that these relationships then struggle and end in divorce when there are so many conflicting expectations.

desiree

hell naw it aint bad .. get da fuq out of here if dey luv eachother than dey do .. so ? who da fuq cares .. it aint hurtin yall so ????

desiree

hell naw it aint bad .. get da fuq out of here if dey luv eachother than dey do .. so ? who da fuq cares .. it aint hurtin yall so ????

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