Do Gays WANT Spirit? (MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog)

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This year has been so challenging for me - personally and for my work on MyOutSpirit.com and the first MyOutSpirit Magazine - that I've started to wonder if the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community is really interested in spirituality.

Things don't seem to be any better now than when 130 gay male spiritual leaders convened the Gay Spirit Culture Summit in 2004 to consider how to involve more gay people in their body/mind/spirit work. We wanted our businesses and organizations to thrive and provide tools and guidance that shifted gay culture toward deeper connection, compassion and inner transformation.

That summit was more than six years ago, now, and not much has changed.

My understanding is that most of those leaders, teachers, authors, ministers and activists are still struggling - as I am - to make ends meet.

Gay culture as a whole has not become any less hedonistic, materialistic or segregated.

We are failing.

The question is "Why?"

Certainly a large part of the problem lies with those of us working in the field of LGBT-affirming body/mind/spirit. Just because we work in spiritual fields doesn't make us any less ego-driven, in general, and, in my experience, that manifests in two ways.

First, those of us working in the field tend to have tunnel-vision - that is, we are so passionate and deeply involved in our own work that we don't pay attention to what other people are doing, even when they're trying to help us.

For example, after the summit, I created MyOutSpirit.com, now the #1 social networking website for spiritual LGBTQ people with a free resource directory. The current version of the site launched in late 2007, and I still can't get most people in the field to return emails or phone calls. Even most of the leaders from the summit that inspired me to create the site haven't listed their resources in the Directory of LGBT-Affirming Body, Mind, Spirit Resources. They are deeply engaged in their own work and their own small communities of students, and many of them have not been able to spare the time, attention and money to join MyOutSpirit or support the Magazine I created to help them grow their work.

Ego is limiting our gay spirituality movement in another way, and that is less innocent. We do not support the work of others because it is not ours.

"Not ours" in the sense that because we didn't have a hand in its creation, that project is unworthy of our support or attention. "Not ours" often means "not my belief system," too - for example, causes specifically for gay Christians get far more support than interfaith causes like MyOutSpirit. People are more inclined to support causes that spread a shared doctrine (whereas MyOutSpirit offers a connection channel for all belief systems, not any particular one). Just being an LGBT-affirming church doesn't necessarily mean you want to be listed on the same site as yoga teachers and intuitives.

I have approached other non-profit LGBT spiritual resource directory projects to offer help, technical support, website hosting and partnership and been turned down flat because they see MyOutSpirit as competition - "not ours."

One minister called to ask for MyOutSpirit to sponsor an event and revealed he'd been watching the site for over a year, without ever joining or registering his LGBT-affirming church in the Directory or even linking to it from his own website.

Nobody seems to want to help anybody.

There are other issues holding us back as well, of course. For instance, many LGBT-affirming spiritual leaders are focused solely on winning equal rights, respect and recognition for queer people, and view any other goal - even helping LBGT people live their best gay lives - as less-important. We have wonderful organizations leading that work, but most of them don't even respond to emails, appeals, or link to MyOutSpirit.com (or any resources outside their faith tradition or social justice work).

Many of us in the field also have issues with money. Many of us struggle financially, but what's really problematic is the pervasive idea that we SHOULD struggle financially because we do spiritual work. "Attachment to money is the root of all evil" may be true, but money itself is an important means of getting things done, and we need more of it spent on our goals if we want to shift gay culture.

Lots of people in the field look down on MyOutSpirit because I didn't set it up as a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization. It's a for-profit company. Granted, there's no profit - I've spent years and more than $50,000 of my own and borrowed money on the project, lost my house to foreclosure, and don't know how I'm paying rent next month. Even though I've lost my shirt on the project, other people won't support it because there might BE a profit someday? I envision a strong, profitable company that can do important, culture-shifting work in the LGBTQ community because it has the financial means to create media and events that no one else could afford.

But the problem is also in the LGBT community itself.

Many of the LGBTQ people I know are actively spiritual, and many others are spiritually curious, and every one wants to achieve happiness and reduce their suffering. In the USA alone, LGBT people spend something like $1.5 Billion a year on body/mind/spirit and green living products and services. But it seems we often hesitate to spend money on those things when they are made specifically for us.

It's the opposite of how marketing usually works. Why don't the spiritual books and workshops and classes created just for LGBT people SELL OUT? There is no community in the country more in need, and capable, of buying and attending such things. Studies show that an overwhelming percentage of gay and lesbian consumers prefer to buy from companies that support the community, but strangely, not in this field. They'll spend thousands for a gay or lesbian cruise, but won't spend $25 on a subscription to MyOutSpirit or White Crane Journal.

Is it a manifestation of internalized homophobia? We know how deeply ingrained the idea is that LGBT aren't spiritual. Maybe on some level, LGBT people don't think that the LGBT leaders providing such resources have the same deep understanding of an Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson or Pema Chodron? (We also have to accept the possibility that our offerings are not of the same quality, but so much of that is because of a lack of money that it's kind of a chicken-or-the-egg situation.)

But maybe there is also ambivalence about our work because we are trying to shift individual lives and gay culture in general in a different direction. Gay people are comfortable with the way things are; they know how to behave within the context of current culture.

Yesterday, I was emailing with the founder of a new hook-up website for men-who-have-sex-with-men. They only launched the site a week ago and already have thousands more members than MyOutSpirit.com, all from a few ads on Facebook and word of mouth. In a week.

Gay men know about sex. They're comfortable with hooking-up. And they'll join any site that promises to facilitate that?

I asked the founder of that website if he had any advice for me regarding MyOutSpirit.com, and he wrote, "The only advice I would give is to offer something that people need AND want... Other than that, have someone show some wee-wee on the site."

He sparks a fundamental question, and it has come up in discussions with leaders in the field of LGBT spirituality over and over again:

"ARE we offering what LGBT people WANT?"

What if gay folks really just aren't that interested? A dear friend of mine has been a leader in this field for 30 years and, while he remains my biggest champion and supporter (other than my mom), he has hope but no faith in the success of our movement to help gay people and shift gay culture. His experience is that the community doesn't show up to support this kind of work no matter how important the work or who's doing it.

In creating MyOutSpirit.com and publishing MyOutSpirit-Austin Magazine (and planning to publish it in 100 cities around the USA), my assumption was that those of us working in the field WERE offering products and services that LGBTs want. I assumed that the problem was that there was no marketing channel to introduce LGBT people to such work - so I made one.

Maybe I was wrong.

Of my own 1,200 Facebook friends, all of them either LGBT or ally, so far only 8 have pre-ordered the next issue of MyOutSpirit Magazine to help defray the cost of publishing, despite multiple requests. Many of my friends lead LGBT-affirming spiritual organizations and communities, but few of them have sent out my appeal for help. There are only three paid ads in this issue of the magazine so far, even though we've contacted thousands of businesses, organizations and practitioners that would be served by advertising.

I'm forced to consider the possibility that I have dedicated my life to doing work that isn't wanted.

I love doing it, and if the project was properly supported, it would make an amazing difference in millions of lives. But it's been YEARS now, and nothing's changing. Even the people I created all this for - LGBT-affirming body/mind/spirit professionals - are still not on board. Even people who know and love me and believe in what I do aren't representing. Frankly, I'm wondering if it's time to give up.

But I also remember how moved people were by the Magazine's launch party featuring a "MyOutSpirit Address" by Bishop Gene Robinson in the Texas State Capitol Rotunda.

I remember the young man who phoned me, crying with gratitude because he had quit meth when he found MyOutSpirit's "Remember Who You Want to Be" photo campaign.

I remember how lonely it is to think there's no one else out there like you, and how excited LGBT people are when they discover and join MyOutSpirit.com. They always email me with such joy and gratitude. They are happy to find a gay social networking site that speaks to their Highest Self.

I don't know what the future holds. You know, when I wrote the handbook for 21st Century LGBT activism, Shirt of Flame ("How to Win Gay Rights"), I took the name "Ko Imani," which means "revolutionary faith."

I still have faith in the "THEN." IF the community of leaders in the field and spiritual LGBT people support MyOutSpirit, THEN the project will be able to do great things to help the world.

It's the "IF" I'm not sure about.

Comments

I am a college student trying to make ends meet. I have to pay the bills and it would be a financial burden for me to subscribe to My Out Spirit, though I can assure you if I were in a more fiscally stable situation I surely would. With that said, let me say that this website has been an incredible beacon of light for me. I seriously believed I was the only gay man looking for something deeper than casual sex, clubbing, or becoming immersed in pop culture and material wealth. Forgive me for stereotyping but I've met quite a few gay men like this. It has been difficult to meet another man who even considered looking deeper. I stumbled upon this website and found that I wasn't alone; other gay men as well as people from the whole GLBT spectrum were looking at things from a more spiritual level. Your work is not in vain. It has kept me sane when I've thought I'm the only gay man in the world who actually considered searching his soul. I'm not trying to sound holier than thou to those who are inclined to follow the more mainstream gay culture, but rather I'm thankful for something like this website. I check it regularly and it means so much to me. Once again, I'm just one person, but I can assure you that your work has touched me.

Posted by: Eric | July 16, 2010 at 05:17 PM

Dear Clayton, I posted on your FB page as well, but I fear that most every grassroots movement or effort that was launched in the early part of this century is struggling. Why?
The EXPLOSION of Social Networking and the Internet. It's our new Opium. Like television, we can't get away from our screens and mice long enough to remember what it's like to REALLY CONNECT with another human being~~let alone a spiritually conscious person.
All I need to say.

I support your work, have subscribed and will continue to support your efforts. Amen, Ashe, So Be It!
Love, Tom

Posted by: Tom Cummiskey | July 17, 2010 at 07:51 AM

Thank you so much, Eric. I needed to hear that, today.

Posted by: Clayton | July 18, 2010 at 10:01 AM

I've sent your appeal out to the More Light Presbyterians network. I think you raise some real questions about the dynamics of the inclusion movement in religious communities, as well as the LGBTQ justice movement's relationship to those communities.

I personally find it much more difficult to come out as Christian in queer settings (generally) than to come out as a gay man in the Church. Of course my particular Presbyterian congregation is very inclusive and has been on the front lines of the LGBT justice/inclusion movement for man years, but even in unfriendly settings I generally know where things stand.

LGBTQ folks have lots of reasons to distrust organized religious communities of course, but even when the welcome sign is hung out front and the rainbow flags fly people don't show.

I can think of lots of reasons why, and no easy answers.

Eric, I wish you the best on your journey to find connections with folks who share your values.

I would encourage you to read some of Mark Thompson's writing ("Gay Spirit", "Gay Soul", etc.) He's done some great writing on gay men's spirituality in particular, and although he's of a different generation than both you and I (I'm guessing, if you're a traditional college student, and I'm 15 years out of college) I think much of what he has to say still rings strongly true for me today.

Peace!

Posted by: Brian | July 19, 2010 at 01:18 PM

I can tell that you're frustrated about fundraising from your post "Do gays WANT spirit?" I do think that the current economics of print publishing make it unprofitable now on almost every level. For example, when I went to the Lammy Awards in 2008, several winning LGBT authors mentioned in their acceptance speeches that their publishers had gone out of business! So you're not the only one trying to figure out how to make it in today's economy.

You are asking the right question, "ARE we offering what LGBT people WANT?" I try to keep this question in mind, too, while also remembering Jesus' words, "Wherever two or three are gathered, I am there." Maybe the LGBT spiritual market will never be a mass market, but a small niche or just a few people.

Posted by: Kittredge Cherry | July 24, 2010 at 06:19 PM