After a few too many late nights out, many people in the gay community begin to feel that they are ready for a new routine. Within the course of a year, I went from being lost in a college daze to feeding orphanages one pair of yoga pants at a time. This story is about how I woke up and moved on.
Continue reading "Spiritual Wisdom from a Gay Teen Graduating High School" »
Mary Anne Flanagan, Toning the OM™
After listening to the recent heated debate of whether or not to allow the Marriage Equality Act to pass in the New York Senate, I started thinking about how acceptance is easy if we allow it. This sparked a long-ago memory of how my mom came to accept my sexuality. [While this story may not be verbatim, the essence of it is absolutely true.]
My mom was quite distraught (along with other family and friends) about my coming out back in 1996. She was devastated and decided to speak with our local Catholic Pastor, Fr. Davis, whom she had known for a long time. My mom explained just how upset, disappointed, and even scared she was that she had a gay daughter.
The Pastor asked three questions:
“Do you love your daughter?” My mother said of course she loved her daughter.
“Is she kind?” My mother said her daughter was kind and generous and very giving.
“Is she living the Gospel and doing the work of Jesus in the Bronx?” My mother said I was caring for children in the South Bronx and was doing service just as Jesus had.
Fr. Davis then asked my mother if anything else mattered other than love and living the Gospels.
Soon after that meeting, my mother called to invite my partner (whom earlier was not allowed to come over) and me to the house for dinner. My mother and father quickly came to love and accept my partner as a part of my life.
Yes, acceptance is that easy if we allow it.
Mary Anne
This is dedicated to my mom who had the courage to question her beliefs and to Fr. Davis – both of whom are now in heaven still telling stories.
Mary Anne Flanagan is a Certified Life Coach, Shamanic Practitioner and Teacher workshop facilitator, inspired speaker, and creator of Toning the OM™. Mary Anne Flanagan/Toning the OM™: [email protected] or 917.238.9726. Visit http://www.toningtheom.com
We may have missed the point in the flurry of dropped jaws, jokes and awe after Lady Gaga arrived at the 2011 Grammy Awards inside a giant milky egg designed by Hussein Chalayan:
Truly growing up is a constant process of rebirthing yourself.
We all protect ourselves with a shell - a story about who we are, how others see us, what we are capable of, and how the world works.
We start creating these stories about ourselves early, based on what we learn from our parents and early childhood experiences. Our stories develop themes from our conclusions about the events of our lives, and these shadow beliefs constantly whisper that we are not worthy of love, happiness and success.
With Born This Way, Lady Gaga encourages us to break out of our shells and claim a new story that serves our highest good.
"Our stories have a purpose," explains Debbie Ford in The Secret of the Shadow
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and questioning people are as addicted to our stories as anyone else.
We can burst out of our mental shells just like Gaga did at the Grammys.
We can CHOOSE what story we believe. We can choose to believe that we are fully empowered, worthy, blessed and "born this way."
We don't have to be anybody's victim. We can be SHAMELESS. We don't have to conform to anyone else's idea of who we should be; we don't have to conform to gay stereotypes any more than we have to conform to heteronormative culture and relationships.
Once you wake up and recognize your story
When she was the spiritual leader at my church, Marianne Williamson
"No matter what the problem is, our experiences are just outer effects of inner thoughts," Louse Hay explains in You Can Heal Your Life
She's ready to help you change your story, but you have to listen. Enjoy the dazzle, but don't be distracted by the sensationalism. Pay attention.
This is big.
Love,
Clayton Gibson
Founder, MyOutSpirit.com
We were all moved by the increased reporting on the epidemic of LGBT teen suicides last autumn, and many clergy, teachers, politicians and everyday folks have taken action to stop bullying and support queer youth. But we can do more to take the LGBTQ teen suicide rate from 4x that of heterosexuals to ZERO.
Let's agree to a "Big Hairy Audacious Goal" to guide our efforts: ZERO Q SUICIDES.
Share your ideas and actions on the discussion page of our Facebook page.
My first thoughts about how to achieve ZERO Q SUICIDES are:
BUILD DEEP COMMUNITY. A major contributor to LGBTQ teen suicide is feelings of loneliness and isolation. How can we remedy this as an LGBTQ community? Well, we talk a lot about supporting the MACRO LGBTQ community - the institutional and social level - but we don't talk much about supporting the MICRO LGBTQ community - the personal level. Could we revise our concept of LGBTQ community so that it's centered around ALL of us participating in small, diverse groups grounded in honesty, safety, and openness? Could we train each other to exchange effective help and support with one another? Could we create a queer culture that encourages nonjudgmental sharing and listening, and close interaction with people who are different than you? Can we build an LGBTQ community in which no one feels alone? Could we reconceive "Coming Out" to involve not only telling someone you're LGBTQ but also an enfoldment into this kind of Deep Community? (And since this IS MyOutSpirit, could our mental, spiritual health professionals and elders lead these groups?)
SPREAD INSPIRATION AND GUIDANCE. Two out of three Americans agree with us that LGBTQ people commit suicide at least partly because of anti-LGBT messages coming out of churches and other places of worship. These messages are a cause of the feelings of shame and unworthiness (and social ostracization) that contribute to LGBTQ teen suicide. As anyone reading this MyOutSpirit.com blog knows, it's not that the truth about the sanctity of LGBTQ people isn't available. Soulforce's "The Debate is Over, the Verdict is In: Not a Sickness, Not a Sin," for example, lays out the most recent biblical, medical, psychiatric, psychological, and scientific evidence to combat myths and lies often used against gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender persons by anti-LGBT religious leaders and institutions. The information is out there, but it's not reaching enough people. We can do more to spread inspiration and guidance to LGBTQ people. This is why MyOutSpirit plans to distribute a free MyOutSpirit Magazine - we've got to get this information in the hands of those who need it most. (You can become a distributor in your community by filling out this form.) Ministers, counselors, and other body/mind/spirit professionals are invited to make short instructional videos that help LGBTQ teens improve their lives immediately at YouMakeItBetter.org.
EDUCATE OURSELVES AND OTHERS. Everyone in our community should learn to practice mindful listening. When a 20-year-old gay acquaintance of mine asked his friends at the bar, "Do you think God lets gays into heaven?" none of them heard it as a cry for help until his body had been discovered hanging in a closet the next day. We have to learn the warning signs and how to help. We also need to do the deep work of opening straight hearts and minds, not just for equality, but also to eliminate all harm caused by ignorance and fear of "the Other." We should actively participate in GLSEN's Safe Spaces Campaign and other organizations' programs that educate the general public about the unique needs and challenges of queer youth.
Finally, a few rules of thumb as we work toward ZERO GAY SUICIDES.
What are your ideas? What are you already doing? What are you willing to do to achieve ZERO Q SUICIDES? Join the discussion on Facebook.
{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta
}
There is nothing worse for a pastor than finding oneself on the wrong end of a gospel story.
A few days ago, when news broke that the founding pastor of “THE CHURCH IN THE NOW,” Bishop Jim Swilley, had come out, I was not particularly kind. On my Facebook page I made the following status update: “[Rev. Paul Turner] is thinking Rev. Swilley is NO gay hero. He finally comes out after he has fathered 4 kids, was in a sham of a marriage...and how many young folks took his hypocritical teachings to heart and ended their life? I am sorry there are those of us who have stood in the line of fire for a long time and took the hits while he was...Thank you Rev. for getting a conscience, let's see what you do now that you are out.”
Really generous and Christ-like, right?
Then I re-read the story of the “Prodigal Son.” One can find the complete story at Luke 15:11-32 (The Message). Needless to say I found myself on the wrong end of this gospel story.
For as many times as I have told this story over the years and how it is a wonderful affirming story for the LGBTQ community, I found myself convicted tonight by the end of the story.
"All this time his older son was out in the field. When the day's work was done he came in. As he approached the house, he heard the music and dancing. Calling over one of the houseboys, he asked what was going on. He told him, 'Your brother came home. Your father has ordered a feast because he has him home safe and sound.' The older brother stalked off in an angry sulk and refused to join in. His father came out and tried to talk to him, but he wouldn't listen. The son said, 'Look how many years I've stayed here serving you, never giving you one moment of grief, but have you ever thrown a party for me and my friends? Then this son of yours who has thrown away your money on whores shows up and you go all out with a feast!' “His father said, 'Son, you don't understand. You're with me all the time, and everything that is mine is yours—but this is a wonderful time, and we had to celebrate. This brother of yours was dead, and he's alive! He was lost, and he's found!'"
I found myself standing in the place of the older son. For a guy who has been preaching an inclusive gospel for 25 years this is an embarrassing and humbling place to find one’s self. Of course when one reads this story from Jesus, it is easy to see and understand the Father’s response.
However, the more difficult part of this story is we never get the interaction between the older son and the younger. Did they ever work things out? When the party was over did the older and younger brother reconcile? Did the younger brother ever know the older one was unhappy and why? Did the older brother ever stop and listen to the younger brother’s story and how he came to do what he did and make the choices he made?
I have never met the Bishop and only know of the Church he founded by driving by it on I-20 several times and thinking each time…there is another one of “those” places. It was a mega-church; an evangelical church and we all know how they feel about the LGBTQ community right?
So of course I sat and listen to the Bishop’s coming out sermon to his congregation tonight from beginning to end. I then found his blog and read what he had to say. In his latest writing, “Making it Plain” he said:
“I at least have not had to work through any credibility issues, or do any damage control concerning my message. I have never one time in nearly 39 years of preaching said a derogatory or condemning word about people with same-sex attraction. An in-depth search can be made through my books, or through decades-worth of tapes, CDs, DVDs, or manuscripts of my sermons, and there will be no evidence of the preaching of condemnation found.
“I think it's important to point out that my main message is and always has been one of love, grace, and tolerance. Church In The Now has been a multicultural/multi ethnic/ecumenical community since its inception, and, as such, has established a long-standing reputation as being a bridge builder among belief systems and people groups. It is neither a white church, nor a black church - it is a church for all people - so it will not become, now or ever, a "gay" church. CITN is inclusive because we believe that the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, demands that we be...and that Gospel is simply the Good News that GOD IS LOVE, demonstrated through the Christ, revealed in the person of Jesus Christ. Jesus said that the lifestyle demands made by the Gospel are summed up in two basic and proactive commandments: (1) Love God (2) Love people. That's all. Church In The Now will always be a place that embraces the truth of the real Gospel, and the simplicity that is in Christ.”
I had done what I have so long preached against…I made lots of judgments and offered my friends and family a knee jerk reaction. Like the older brother in the story, I felt jealous of all the attention the Bishop was getting for coming out at 52 when I was out at 13. One can read my previous blog to get the full story on that.
I felt like as an openly gay pastor and progressive person of faith I had taken the heat, buried our people, held the hand of the oppressed, fought the fight, stood on the front lines and taken the bullets of hate, ridicule and disrespect.
In fact, I could think of many of us pastors who have barely been able to make ends meet because we took the opportunity to be out, proud and free.
Of course so has the Bishop:
“Concerning any negative things written about me online, which are mostly done by conservative Christian or Evangelical groups or watchdog organizations, I can only say that it comes with the territory, and I'm used to it. I have no desire to defend myself, or to argue the Scriptures with those who would not be open to anything I would have to say. Integrity can't be proven, it must be discerned. I've been discussed on blogs and websites for years because of my inclusive theology. In the last few days I've been called both a hero and heretic. I don't believe that I am either. At the end of the day, all that really matters to me is what God thinks and says about me, and that is between Him and me.”
So why write this? Why admit to the community I was a jerk in the way I responded to the story, that I was childish and immature?
First, because words have power and as we have seen with the bullying issue words can have a devastating impact both in the short term and the long term. My open and public words were no better than any bully. For this I am deeply embarrassed and sorry…May God have mercy on me.
Second: two words, being authentic! At Gentle Spirit Christian Church it has been taught for years that we “walk the talk”. So not to admit publicly I was wrong after public words of judgment would be hypocritical at minimum and anti-gospel at the worst.
Finally but not least, each one of us travel this life and for the most part do the best we can with the cards that are given to us. The Bishop is right on the mark when he says there are only two things that really matter: (1) Love God (2) Love people. I know tonight, my Facebook words did neither of those things…God have mercy on me, a sinner.
Bishop Swilley, welcome home and may God bless, protect and encourage you in the days ahead.
{By Ian Lawton, spiritual teacher of inner wisdom, divine love, deeper consciousness, oneness, peace, and abundance. Soulseeds.com}
Harvey Milk was the first openly gay man to hold public office in a major American city. The day after his election in 1977, he said, “If I turned around every time somebody called me a faggot, I’d be walking backward – and I don’t want to walk backward.” What an inspirational thought! None of us want to walk backward, or live in the rear vision mirror, or kowtow to other peoples’ expectations and prejudice. Life is too short and the invitation to authenticity is too compelling to walk anything other than your own chosen path.
Milk had his own style and flair and refused to hide an important part of who he was. He felt that keeping his sexuality secret gave power to those people who denied others their basic human dignity and rights. He went public and urged others to go public so that they could manifest their own divine light. He was one of the great social snowballers, who by sheer determination and charisma, gathered freedom partners as he rolled from opportunity to opportunity.
Milk was shot dead by one of his colleagues, an anti-gay Catholic. The eulogy at Milk’s funeral was given by an openly gay Rabbi. He said in his eulogy that Milk came to synagogue to get votes, not to pray. Maybe getting votes was his way of praying as he was on a sacred mission, a la Moses, to liberate the LGBT community from the chains of oppression.
It’s especially tragic when homophobia comes from the religious community. Authenticity is a universal spiritual principle. To paraphrase a famous Jewish proverb, when you reach the next world, God will not ask you, “Why were you not like Moses?” Instead the question will be, “Why were you not more yourself?” Jesus described it as letting your light shine and not hiding this light under a bushel.
Milk is an inspiration to all of us, gay or straight, to live more authentically and passionately. Whether the issue is sexuality or some aspect of your personality that is suppressed or a vision that lies dormant, we all want to live liberated lives. We want to live the power of choice.
Coming out is a choice. Sexuality is not a choice in much the same way that people don’t choose hair color or height. However coming out is definitely a choice and it’s a powerful choice. Like all choices, there are risks and pitfalls. But the risk to remain hidden and suppressed is far greater. Coming out in your sexuality is part of fulfilling your true potential as a human being.
The way to be all that you can be is to be more yourself. When you are boldly and confidently yourself, you are not only happier but you shine a brighter light in the world. The world needs more people who are “out” in every way.
In the words of Marianne Williamson, “Who are you not to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. You are meant to shine, as children do. You were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. It’s not just in some; it’s in everyone. And as you let your own light shine, you unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As you are liberated from your own fear, your presence automatically liberates others.” (Marianne Williamson, A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles)
What new freedom is beckoning you at this time in your life? How are you letting your light shine with greater clarity and radiance? What powerful choice is presenting itself to you? What seed of possibility are you being called to cultivate, to nurture and bring to new life at this time? Come out. Come out. Whoever you are. Wherever you are. However you need to do it. You know what you need to do and you have the courage to do it. The path may not be easy and it probably won’t be straight and narrow. But don’t look back and don’t walk backward. The rewards of facing your future head on and stepping into authenticity far outweigh any fear. In the words of Harvey Milk, “Hope will never be silent.”
{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta}
I guess it has been about 2 years since the Rev. Al Sharpton stood in the pulpit of Tabernacle Baptist church and gave this little gem concerning black clergy and the church:
“They preach homophobia from their pulpits Sunday morning and cruise the parks at night!”
I also remember after that service was over; this statement was stuck in my head.
Talking with some of my colleges and friends in the black community, I was informed not only was that statement true but also in fact there were any number of black clergy in the city of Atlanta who were an exact fit. “In fact, Pastor Paul, there are some pretty big and powerful preachers in the black church for whom Rev. Sharpton hit the nail on the head.”
I was dumbfounded.
I am sometimes naïve when it comes to the real world. I know a lot of politicians who would sell their own mother if it meant them getting elected and then lie about the sale, but pastors are and should be different right?
Apparently I am still somewhat of a heterosexist. Sure, there might be the whole hetro adultery thing going on in churches, but why would these very conservative, anti-gay preachers really take the risk of doing what they so virulently preach against - especially in such a small, talkative community?
Do they not understand if you beat us up long enough eventually we will expose you for who you really are?
Further, why would this small talkative community simply turn and take on the persona of “don’t ask, don’t tell?”
I have come to believe it is because homophobia is alive and well and more dangerous than ever.
“Homophobia” is the unreasoning fear of or antipathy toward homosexuals and homosexuality.
Which is why in a homophobic culture there is nothing worse than to be a homosexual or to practice homosexual behavior. But strangely, the community seems to hold a different standard for black preachers as compared to white preachers.
One might survive if they use drugs, one might survive if they misuse church funds and they might even survive if they are caught playing with the deacon’s wife. One survives these transgressions because “we all sin and fall short of the glory of God!”
Remember the good Rev. Stanley of Peachtree Baptist? All was forgiven and forgotten. Bless his heart. Those who are part of the United Methodist Church know if a preacher is caught playing around in the congregation, come annual conference time the preacher is simply moved to another church. There is a long list of black preachers who are divorced or were divorced during their time in the pulpit and have survived rather nicely.
Yet, to cross the homosexual line and express homosexual behavior is the sin of all sins. This sin is the worst thing a person can do. One’s career, calling and respect in the community will be lost if they dare cross this line and get caught.
There is nothing which will get the news Medias attention faster than a black male preacher who is caught having sex with another man. They jump on it with all the alleged details and leading statements of how horrific this person is. In very short order it becomes the subject of national news with powerful people weighing in with their knowledgeable (really lack of facts) opinions and attitudes.
Of course if the accused person is anti-gay and is rather famous for attacking the LGBTQ community, then this just adds fuel to an already hotly burning fire.
Bishop Eddie Long ha been an ardent opponent of the LGBTQ community, even to the extent of having an “ex-gay” kind of ministry as a part of his mega church and who lead a huge march against gay marriage. And now, Bishop Long has been accused not by one but four young men of stepping over the line into the sin of sins.
Now, I have to say for the sake of being honest, I have never been particularly impressed by the Bishop. Having Bentleys parked in one’s driveway, owning a private jet, and such excess has never struck me as the ministry of the gospel, but rather a ministry of prosperity and over-indulgence.
At the same time, his church claims 25,000 members! Damn, that is 9,000 more people than the town I grew up in.
If we do the math this also means conservatively speaking there are probably 1200 plus LGBTQ people associated with this ministry.
Anyway, I digress. As I mention a few blogs ago the “victims” are already being blasted by the Bishop’s supporters. They are being called everything in the book and I would imagine before it is all said and done they will be painted as the predators of a powerful preacher. As I said before, this simply is the roots of homophobia rising to the surface…cause; well you know all gays are criminals.
Reports on the story have not said if the four young men themselves are gay or not. Before people write me and say this is not important…yes it is. Why?
It would change the dynamics of the story from abuse of power to the possibility of a really messed up love triangle. There may be abuse of power but it would be a whole different animal at that point. A full day before the story broke, I got a heads up from a friend, “By the way, stay tuned, a very prominent local Bishop is about to be outed by his secret lover in a lawsuit.”
Now, please - if the way this story has been covered doesn’t prove how evil, how nasty, how un-repented and how dangereous homophobia is, then we are asleep.
It is true the Bishop set himself for a huge fall and made himself a target of people just dying to prove he is the ultimate hypocrite.
Yet, the real problem here, the reason this story is so devastating is because of the homophobia that is intertwined all through it. This Bishop made a huge mark for himself with a ministry designed to destroy my (our) community. As a friend Craig Washington wrote in a column for “the Root”:
“Whether or not Long actually committed the acts of which he was recently accused, this much is true: He is assuredly guilty of engendering fear and hatred of LGBT people among thousands. He has convinced countless numbers of gays that they are sinners whose salvation rests on becoming 'reconditioned' into heterosexuality. Such toxic teachings reinforce the stigma that compromises HIV-prevention efforts as well as our mental and physical health.”
If the accusations are correct, there is a price to pay for such devastating hypocrisy. If the facts turn out to be something else, how will we deal with that?
While it is easy to be critical of how people live their lives, if these accusations turn out to be factual, will anyone ask or see how homophobia drove the Bishop to this moment. How, even knowing he had a gift to preach, he had to hide who he really was to pursue his career and calling?
Will the black congregations ever discuss their complicity in this drama, because the worst thing their preacher could do was be a homo? Will the black church confront the ways it lives out “don’t ask and don’t tell” to the destruction of its young men every day.
If it turns out these accusations are really about something else, will my community stand and say to Bishop Long, “Hey we are really sorry we jumped the gun, cause you know you are such a jerk when it comes to our issues…well, we just wanted you to fall hard…sorry”.
Regardless of the outcome of this story, will we spend some time seeing how the devastating tentacles of homophobia wrapped themselves around the Bishop, the Bishop’s family, his friends, our community and as the outrage was expressed choked our any thought of compassion, understanding and love?
My friends this is a sad and heart breaking story, because it is really not about Bishop Long. The author of this story no matter how the facts turn out, no matter the drama unfolds, is Homophobia. It is a killer, it kills those who practice it and it kills those who internalize it. It sometimes kills those who fight it.
I think that may be why my friend Elder Tony Jones had this to say on his Facebook status:
“I reflect on Bishop Eddie Long and this recent matter, I am reminded of this one thing: Regardless to the outcome, unconditional love is still appropriate and necessary.”
My prayer is we all take heed; we all take a deep breath and take the Elder’s words to heart. For if we do, there is an opportunity here to begin to dismantle the destruction of homophobia and begin to heal.
{by Rev. Paul M. Turner, Gentle Spirit Christian Church of Atlanta}
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While giving my forgiveness telecourse, I read a quote by Pema Chodron:
“It all starts with loving-kindness for oneself, which in turn becomes loving-kindness for others. As the barriers come down around our own hearts, we are less afraid of other people. We are more able to hear what is being said, see what is front of our eyes, and work in accord with what happens rather than struggle against it.”
The forgiveness course is about making space for more love, peace and forgiveness in our hearts and in our lives. Each week has a specific focus and last week our focus was compassion. I shared with students my definition of compassion:
Compassion is our capacity to love – without the story attached to it. It’s the acts of doing and the heart of being. It’s being our own best friend & having the capacity to befriend others.
I ask students in the course to share how they show themselves loving-kindness and compassion. We take time to reflect and write down a few ways we are compassionate with ourselves. In every course, many students struggle to name ways of how they treat themselves with loving-kindness and compassion. It reminds me of how hard we are on ourselves and that giving comes from our capacity to give to ourselves too. Compassion is our ability to find relief and lead with our hearts.
It took me years to be compassionate with myself after coming out. For so long all I wanted to do was run and hide. Before coming out over 15 years ago, I had no idea how to be loving with myself so how could I expect others to be loving towards me? With support and time, I learned about the capacity to love – first myself, and then others. I had to release “the story” of self-hatred and become my own best friend. My capacity to love is deeper than it has ever been.
The invitation is to practice compassion with yourself. Notice ways you show yourself loving-kindness. Ask how does loving-kindness and compassion show up in my life and HOW do I respond when it does?
As the Dalai Lama says, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”
Mary Anne Flanagan
Mary Anne Flanagan is a shamanic healer and teacher, certified Life Coach, and facilitator in New York.
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