MyOutSpirit.com Gay Spirituality Blog

LGBTQ Buddhist Meditation Retreat at Garrison Institute is Your Chance for Revival and Reflection

 

2016 is shaping up to be a wild one, with a contentious election process and conflict all around us. From April 14-16, get away from it all and centered in your right mind at Garrison Institute’s annual silent retreat for (and by) LGBTQ people: “Waking Up Free, Whole, and Fabulous: Healing Within and In the World.”

 

“Attending a retreat revitalizes my aspiration for mindfulness practice, inspires me to continue deepening my practice, and reconnects me to myself and others,” says La Sarmiento, teacher at Insight Meditation Community of Washington and Inward Bound Mindfulness Education, and transgender themselves. “I come home feeling more grounded, open, compassionate, loving, and accepting of others.”

 

Participating in a mindfulness retreat even affects others in your life through “retreat osmosis,” says Madeline Klyne, co-founder of South Shore Insight in Hanover, MA.

 

“When I come home from a retreat, my wife says she can absorb some of the retreat energy I bring home! We are more open, more present, more spacious, more awake, and more connected.”

 

“A silent retreat offers a rare opportunity to take a break from our often crazy, busy world,” says Sarmiento.

 

Dharma teacher Gavin Harrison explains, “On a silent retreat, there is an opportunity to turn towards the infinite loveliness of our true nature, and this understanding is the gift that accompanies us back to the everydayness of our lives.

 

“What we are, most truly and deeply, is a ground of unutterable wakefulness, love, compassion, and wisdom. All the mystics tell us this.”

 

“Every year, I am reminded of the power of LGBTIQ people practicing together,” Klyne continues. “Many of us don’t even recognize the stress and tension we feel in a world where LGBTIQ people are still marginalized, and this retreat gives us a chance to literally breathe outside of our fears and anxieties.”

 

Mindfulness is important for LGBTQ people to practice, Sarmiento says, because “when we are NOT mindful, present, or comfortable in our skin, we have a tendency to: withdraw, act out, become impatient, be irritable, engage in unskillful behavior, be judgmental or overly critical, and unkind.”

 

“I was infected with HIV before the virus was identified,” Harrison recalls. “Without the ground of mindfulness at the time, and without a consolidation of inner affection and love, I gave myself to a sexual situation even though the voices within me were loud and filled with caution. I turned away from the knowing of my heart. It was an unconscious moment with permanent repercussions.

 

“I consider mindfulness, the spiritual journey, and awakening to my true nature to be the best medicine available on the planet!”

 

All the retreat leaders agree that mindfulness and meditation have enormous potential to make LGBTIQ people happier and healthier. Harrison concludes:

 

“The LGBTIQ community is thirsty for more love, honesty, integrity, and authenticity. We can make this happen moment-to-moment by the choices we make – by how you live your precious human life. When our preciousness is valued deeply we become a more trustworthy and impactful force for good in our beautiful world. We become the solution we pray for.”

 

 

Learn more and register for the retreat at https://www.garrisoninstitute.org/event/waking-up-free-whole-and-fabulous-healing-within-and-in-the-world-lgbtiq-retreat/

 

 

LGBTQI Meditation and Mindfulness: Reflections from the Teachers of Garrison Institute's LGBTQI Meditation Retreat

From April 9-12, 2015, you are invited to attend an LGBTQI Meditation Retreat at Garrison Institute in upstate New York: Embodying Presence in Our Lives: A Mindfulness Meditation Weekend for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, and Queer Communities.

MyOutSpirit was invited to chat with some of the retreat leaders about how meditation can improve the lives of queer people.

 

Do Gays WANT Spirit?

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This year has been so challenging for me - personally and for my work on MyOutSpirit.com and the first MyOutSpirit Magazine - that I've started to wonder if the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer community is really interested in spirituality.

Things don't seem to be any better now than when 130 gay male spiritual leaders convened the Gay Spirit Culture Summit in 2004 to consider how to involve more gay people in their body/mind/spirit work.  We wanted our businesses and organizations to thrive and provide tools and guidance that shifted gay culture toward deeper connection, compassion and inner transformation.

That summit was more than six years ago, now, and not much has changed.

My understanding is that most of those leaders, teachers, authors, ministers and activists are still struggling - as I am - to make ends meet. 

Gay culture as a whole has not become any less hedonistic, materialistic or segregated. 

We are failing.

The question is "Why?"

Certainly a large part of the problem lies with those of us working in the field of LGBT-affirming body/mind/spirit.  Just because we work in spiritual fields doesn't make us any less ego-driven, in general, and, in my experience, that manifests in two ways.

First, those of us working in the field tend to have tunnel-vision - that is, we are so passionate and deeply involved in our own work that we don't pay attention to what other people are doing, even when they're trying to help us. 

For example, after the summit, I created MyOutSpirit.com, now the #1 social networking website for spiritual LGBTQ people with a free resource directory.  The current version of the site launched in late 2007, and I still can't get most people in the field to return emails or phone calls.  Even most of the leaders from the summit that inspired me to create the site haven't listed their resources in the Directory of LGBT-Affirming Body, Mind, Spirit Resources.  They are deeply engaged in their own work and their own small communities of students, and many of them have not been able to spare the time, attention and money to join MyOutSpirit or support the Magazine I created to help them grow their work.

Ego is limiting our gay spirituality movement in another way, and that is less innocent.  We do not support the work of others because it is not ours. 

"Not ours" in the sense that because we didn't have a hand in its creation, that project is unworthy of our support or attention.  "Not ours" often means "not my belief system," too - for example, causes specifically for gay Christians get far more support than interfaith causes like MyOutSpirit.  People are more inclined to support causes that spread a shared doctrine (whereas MyOutSpirit offers a connection channel for all belief systems, not any particular one).  Just being an LGBT-affirming church doesn't necessarily mean you want to be listed on the same site as yoga teachers and intuitives. 

I have approached other non-profit LGBT spiritual resource directory projects to offer help, technical support, website hosting and partnership and been turned down flat because they see MyOutSpirit as competition - "not ours."

One minister called to ask for MyOutSpirit to sponsor an event and revealed he'd been watching the site for over a year, without ever joining or registering his LGBT-affirming church in the Directory or even linking to it from his own website.

Nobody seems to want to help anybody.

There are other issues holding us back as well, of course.  For instance, many LGBT-affirming spiritual leaders are focused solely on winning equal rights, respect and recognition for queer people, and view any other goal - even helping LBGT people live their best gay lives - as less-important.  We have wonderful organizations leading that work, but most of them don't even respond to emails, appeals, or link to MyOutSpirit.com (or any resources outside their faith tradition or social justice work).

Many of us in the field also have issues with money.  Many of us struggle financially, but what's really problematic is the pervasive idea that we SHOULD struggle financially because we do spiritual work.  "Attachment to money is the root of all evil" may be true, but money itself is an important means of getting things done, and we need more of it spent on our goals if we want to shift gay culture. 

Lots of people in the field look down on MyOutSpirit because I didn't set it up as a 501(c)3 nonprofit organization.  It's a for-profit company.  Granted, there's no profit - I've spent years and more than $50,000 of my own and borrowed money on the project, lost my house to foreclosure, and don't know how I'm paying rent next month.  Even though I've lost my shirt on the project, other people won't support it because there might BE a profit someday?  I envision a strong, profitable company that can do important, culture-shifting work in the LGBTQ community because it has the financial means to create media and events that no one else could afford. 

But the problem is also in the LGBT community itself.

Many of the LGBTQ people I know are actively spiritual, and many others are spiritually curious, and every one wants to achieve happiness and reduce their suffering.  In the USA alone, LGBT people spend something like $1.5 Billion a year on body/mind/spirit and green living products and services.  But it seems we often hesitate to spend money on those things when they are made specifically for us. 

It's the opposite of how marketing usually works.  Why don't the spiritual books and workshops and classes created just for LGBT people SELL OUT?  There is no community in the country more in need, and capable, of buying and attending such things.  Studies show that an overwhelming percentage of gay and lesbian consumers prefer to buy from companies that support the community, but strangely, not in this field.  They'll spend thousands for a gay or lesbian cruise, but won't spend $25 on a subscription to MyOutSpirit or White Crane Journal.

Is it a manifestation of internalized homophobia?  We know how deeply ingrained the idea is that LGBT aren't spiritual.  Maybe on some level, LGBT people don't think that the LGBT leaders providing such resources have the same deep understanding of an Eckhart Tolle, Marianne Williamson or Pema Chodron?  (We also have to accept the possibility that our offerings are not of the same quality, but so much of that is because of a lack of money that it's kind of a chicken-or-the-egg situation.)

But maybe there is also ambivalence about our work because we are trying to shift individual lives and gay culture in general in a different direction.  Gay people are comfortable with the way things are; they know how to behave within the context of current culture.

Yesterday, I was emailing with the founder of a new hook-up website for men-who-have-sex-with-men.  They only launched the site a week ago and already have thousands more members than MyOutSpirit.com, all from a few ads on Facebook and word of mouth.  In a week. 

Gay men know about sex.  They're comfortable with hooking-up.  And they'll join any site that promises to facilitate that?  

I asked the founder of that website if he had any advice for me regarding MyOutSpirit.com, and he wrote, "The only advice I would give is to offer something that people need AND want... Other than that, have someone show some wee-wee on the site."

He sparks a fundamental question, and it has come up in discussions with leaders in the field of LGBT spirituality over and over again:

"ARE we offering what LGBT people WANT?" 

What if gay folks really just aren't that interested?  A dear friend of mine has been a leader in this field for 30 years and, while he remains my biggest champion and supporter (other than my mom), he has hope but no faith in the success of our movement to help gay people and shift gay culture.  His experience is that the community doesn't show up to support this kind of work no matter how important the work or who's doing it.  

In creating MyOutSpirit.com and publishing MyOutSpirit-Austin Magazine (and planning to publish it in 100 cities around the USA), my assumption was that those of us working in the field WERE offering products and services that LGBTs want.  I assumed that the problem was that there was no marketing channel to introduce LGBT people to such work - so I made one.

Maybe I was wrong.

Of my own 1,200 Facebook friends, all of them either LGBT or ally, so far only 8 have pre-ordered the next issue of MyOutSpirit Magazine to help defray the cost of publishing, despite multiple requests.  Many of my friends lead LGBT-affirming spiritual organizations and communities, but few of them have sent out my appeal for help. There are only three paid ads in this issue of the magazine so far, even though we've contacted thousands of businesses, organizations and practitioners that would be served by advertising.

I'm forced to consider the possibility that I have dedicated my life to doing work that isn't wanted. 

I love doing it, and if the project was properly supported, it would make an amazing difference in millions of lives.  But it's been YEARS now, and nothing's changing.  Even the people I created all this for - LGBT-affirming body/mind/spirit professionals - are still not on board.  Even people who know and love me and believe in what I do aren't representing.  Frankly, I'm wondering if it's time to give up.  

But I also remember how moved people were by the Magazine's launch party featuring a "MyOutSpirit Address" by Bishop Gene Robinson in the Texas State Capitol Rotunda. 

.

.

I remember the young man who phoned me, crying with gratitude because he had quit meth when he found MyOutSpirit's "Remember Who You Want to Be" photo campaign.

.

.

.

I remember how lonely it is to think there's no one else out there like you, and how excited LGBT people are when they discover and join MyOutSpirit.com.  They always email me with such joy and gratitude.  They are happy to find a gay social networking site that speaks to their Highest Self.  

I don't know what the future holds.  You know, when I wrote the handbook for 21st Century LGBT activism, Shirt of Flame ("How to Win Gay Rights"), I took the name "Ko Imani," which means "revolutionary faith."  

I still have faith in the "THEN."  IF the community of leaders in the field and spiritual LGBT people support MyOutSpirit, THEN the project will be able to do great things to help the world.

It's the "IF" I'm not sure about.

---

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Sweeping my side of the street

In considering what to write in my first entry to this blog, I reviewed the posts from other writers over the past few months. I was in awe over the level of political and social awareness, and how passionately these contributors tackled their subject matters. I felt insecure, as if I wouldn’t be able to contribute any similar-such informed content.

Home Again

The following letter is shared with permission. It is an email by Paul Browde, a participant at the Gay Spirit Culture Summit, to the other participants, written on the day after.

Dear All,

It was a magical day today. I really looked at people. A fellow psychiatrist at the clinic where I work said to me after I told her about the summit...."thanks for the gift of your having walked into my office today". I made sure to tell the queer men I work with about our weekend.

I also stood in line in the supermarket and allowed a man in front of me. He turned to me, and said. "you are so blessed".....I asked him what he meant, and he said "your patience. There should be more like you".....and I thought "there are!!, so many more!!"

......and then tonight I saw a young man for a medication evaluation. I knew him as a queer boy immediately. I asked him, and he told me yes, but nobody knows. He hates himself. He will not go to the LGBT community centre. He will not go to the gay section in Barnes and Noble. He told his parents he was confused about his sexuality, and they sent him to a therapist whom they hoped would help him through the phase..........I listened and told him that he wasn't alone. I will see him again next Monday, and will work with him slowly, and make sure he's taken care of.....and all this against the background of starting David Nimmons Book and feeling so proud, and crying on the subway as I recognized myself and my community on those pages.

Thank you for an extraordinary experience.

Love and peaceful restorative sleeps to you all.

Paul

Gay Spirit Summit Day #4

After all the hard work on Saturday, the evening brought time for networking, friendship building, and frivolity. Some intrepid souls organized activities such as dancing, bodywork and massage, and an erotic ritual.

Sunday morning opened with a time of prayer organized by men from Christian faith traditions, followed by breakfast, and a few hours of closing activities. There was about twenty or thirty minutes for men to make any final remarks to the whole group. Also, there was a guided visualization and an opportunity for us to listen to a message from Spirit and share those messages in small groups. This was also a final opportunity for our small groups to convene.

The Fuzzy Fruits met for the last time and shared the gifts that we are taking away with us from the summit. We also spoke about our future goals, and talked about how we could help or support each other in making those dreams come true. I'm looking forward to opportunities in the future for visits to New York, Detroit, Long Beach, and Boston... the homes of the other members of my small group, for mini reunions.

Finally the summit closed as it began, with a ritual involving song, smudging, releasing the directions, and story telling from Native American traditions. Clyde Hall led us in the ritual.

So... that's it for now. After the summit: a train ride from Garrison to Grand Central Station, followed by a cab ride to JFK Airport. A final happy surprise: I got the opportunity to share the forty or so minutes in the cab with a man at the summit who I hadn't yet connected with, and had a great conversation. I got a bit of a nap on the flight to Seattle, and still got home in time to feed the cat and do a load of laundry. Anyway, that's it for now... I may have to say after some time has passed. Just a quick note for now to say: the first-ever Gay Spirit Culture Summit is a wrap!

Gay Spirit Summit Day #3

Today the summit got down to business. This was the time for beginning to bring the ideas and creative energy from Day 2 into action. A theme of our work was to develop action plans to take the ideas to the realm of action. Numerous working groups were convened on any topic where there was energy, and each group produced action agendas that specified steps to take in 3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks, and 3 months from the summit. Folks from the summit will be putting together a document to describe the visions and ideas to come from our work.

Here's a list with some of the main themes and topics that were discussed:

• Defining spirituality
  
• Sustaining the momentum of the Gay Spirit Culture Summit
  
• Making children an important part of our lives
  
• The "men loving men" movement
  
• The erotic as a spiritual path
  
• Sacred dance ritual and the circuit culture
  
• HIV positive, HIV negative, and HIV unknown status men sharing their stories
  
• Leadership development in the GLBTQ community
  
• Elders and youth working together
  
• Working with the media to encourage deeper lives and spirituality
  
• Transforming religions
  
• The "power of 10" public performance protest
  

After a full day's work, the men of the summit broke bread together. We also enjoyed entertainers including drag performers, comedy, poetry reading, singers, and even "whirling dervishes."

Gay Spirit Summit Day #2

On Thursday night, the summit wrapped up its "ice breaking" exercises and introductions. After dinner, we were led in a group exercise to connect us to erotic energy in a safe way that strived to respect the boundaries of each man at the summit. Afterwards, the group broke into our 18 smaller groups to "process" and discuss the previous exercise.

Friday was a full and busy day where the summit moved into articulating visions, dreams, and convening discussions on a wide variety of topics. Every man had the opportunity to convene a group discussion on a topic of his choosing. When men had described the topics they wanted to talk about, the discussions were divided into three separate time slots, so men could attend up to three different discussions (or float between various groups of interest).

The discussion topics ranged from discussing ways to move beyond separatism to exploring the question of what unique gifts gays bring to spirituality and religions. Some topics allowed men from specific faith traditions to meet, or explore issues such as race and ethnicity that cut across a variety of traditions. Several topics explored youth and elder issues, music, art and performance, intentional communities, and topics peculiar to areas of the country. Some men brought a topic based on the work they do in the community, such as healing, religious ministry, or erotic workers.

When not participating in small groups, some men enjoyed the beautiful weather and outdoors near the Hudson River. Some men were interviewed on videotape by an ethnographer who is also a participant at the summit. The ethnographer is recording the summit as an event of historical importance in the history of the gay movement, and he spent time taping the stories of men. He is considering producing a documentary feature based on the interviews and other material from the summit.

I attended three sessions yesterday. In the morning, I convened a group to discuss applications of Ken Wilber's philosophy, Spiral Dynamics, and integral theory to contemporary gay issues. Later in the morning, I attended a group of writers who shared about the work and issues common to writers. In the afternoon, I attended a group focused on HIV/AIDS issues. This group was convened by two men who've created a performance piece that explores ethical and social questions related to HIV/AIDS, such as "who owns the stories?" Their piece was inspired by an actual situation in which a man revealed his own HIV status and the status of another man to a mutual friend.

After the small groups met yesterday, the entire summit met once again. This time, there was an opportunity for men to briefly report back to the larger group a few thoughts or impressions related to the day's work. The group also took the time to honor the (self-identified) elders in attendance. Afterwards, the group returned to our small group. My own small group, the Fuzzy Fruits, shared our experiences from the day. I enjoyed hearing about the experiences of men in groups that I didn't attend. I heard from Joe about a group he convened to discuss the role of sexual fantasies in the lifes and healing of gay men... it also sounded like there was an interesting discussion surrounding the topic of reforming institutional religion from within and moving work into the broader gay community.

The day ended with a dinner that included traditional elements from the Jewish faith, organized by Jewish summit participants. Afterwards, men participated in an evening ritual organized by various participants. The ritual blended elements from African and pagan practices and included storytelling, dancing, drumming, and singing. Many men dressed in "traditional pagan attire." There was also an opportunity for elders to provide a blessing for the queer youth. There were also "post-ritual" festivities including parties and an experiential process involving erotic massage organized by Joseph Kramer and men from Body Electric.

Gay Spirit Summit Day #1

About 125 men have gathered in Garrison, NY, for a summit of leaders involved with gay spirituality. Today we ate lunch followed by an opening ceremony where we gathered in a circle and cultivated a sacred space. Elders sang songs from their own Native traditions and led us by honoring the energies and spirits of the directions. After the opening ceremony, we took a break, and then connected with another man one-on-one. We shared the feelings and thoughts that are "alive for us," our intentions for the summit, and the fears we are bringing here. Afterwards, we learned more about the group as a whole: men shared their names, cities where they're coming from, and faith traditions (both the traditions of our upbringing plus our current inclinations).

When we were done in the large group, we broke into 18 small groups of about seven men. My own group named itself the Fuzzy Fruits (every man in the group wore a goatee, moustache, or beard). Together we are Jacob, Haynes, David, Ramon, Greg-Eugene, and two Joes (both of whom, coincidentally, are also writers whose work appears on this blog). The grouop is quite diverse, actually: we include two Latinos (myself included), two African-American men, two Jewish men. We are also geographically diverse, hailing from the West Coast (Long Beach, CA, and Seattle, WA), the Midwest (Detroit), and the East (Philadelphia, Boston, Washington, DC, and The Bronx, NY). The men in the group are doing amazing work around the country... I am so impressed. A few are leaders of faith communities, including a priest and a rabbi. We include writers, psychotherapists, and community organizers/activists.

The night's still young... just got out of dinner, and more's coming up. The conference is off to a great start...

Gay Spirit Culture Summit about to begin

I flew in last night from Seattle into JFK airport, and then took a train from Grand Central Station to Garrison, NY. At the train station, I met a handsome man from San Francisco and my gaydar went off. I introduced myself and he said his name was Kirk. He also flew in yesterday for the Gay Spirit Culture Summit that begins later this afternoon. Kirk and I are among the earlybirds who arrived on Wednesday evening. Toby Johnson and Kip Dollar arrived on the next train, having just arrived from Texas. The four of us crammed into a car and a few minutes later we arrived at the Garrison Institute, a retreat center overlooking the Hudson River in a former Capuchin monastery. Patrick McNamara, the summit organizer, arrived to save the day (apparently there are no taxis in Garrison).

A couple slices of pizza later, I was in better spirits, though still dragging from lack of sleep the night before. Met more earlybirds, men from Albuquerque, Iowa, London, and two more men from San Francisco. After eating a bite, some of us smudged the space with sage as we held the intention to invite Spirit into our midst. After a dip in one of the hottubs (are we spoiled or what?) and a good night's rest, I'm ready for the summit to begin.

It's nearly noon, men are arriving, and the summit is scheduled to begin within hours. We are here to connect, to learn, to share, all invited to give our gifts to others and discover what gifts Spirit has in store for us.