From April 9-12, 2015, you are invited to attend an LGBTQI Meditation Retreat at Garrison Institute in upstate New York: Embodying Presence in Our Lives: A Mindfulness Meditation Weekend for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, and Queer Communities.
MyOutSpirit was invited to chat with some of the retreat leaders about how meditation can improve the lives of queer people.
Continue reading "How Control Freaks can Let Go (& Let God)" »
Continue reading "Life Lessons from a 42 Year Old Wisdom Junkie" »
{by Patrick Henry Morris, Awakened Artistry}
Last weekend I started my year long immersion training with The Interdependence Project in New York City. Entering those doors and climbing the 200 stairs to the loving space of my Sangha I was nervous with the teeming possiblities. What would this training mean to me? How would it change me? What would I learn? Am I smart enough to complete this? Will the others understand me? Will I be a good teacher? Will I be a good student?
As we took our seats, Ethan Nichtern started by giving us some meditation instruction. At the end, he asked us to get in touch with what we feel in our bodies and to start getting comfortable with being on the spot, showing up and staying in the present, no matter how fearful we may be. At that moment, all the questions in my mind vanished. I made a commitment to be available to what the world was teaching me at that moment.
Being completely open to what was arising didn’t mean I wasn’t scared anymore. I don’t think I stopped sweating for the rest of the weekend. We went through a study session and taking turns teaching mindfulness meditation and giving feedback. I was nervous for all of it except when I was actually leading meditation. I stayed with those feelings, I felt them. And what do ya know, I didn’t die. I’m still here to relate this story to you. I always assume whatever hard task is in front of me will kill me but some how I prevail. I should start remembering that from the beginning.
As the weekend progressed, I kept feeling more inspired and grateful for the opportunity to learn from 15 different teachers during the course of this year. People from all walks of life with such vastly different experiences. Each unique in their own way, yet we have so much in common. It’s nice to share a space with so many indivuduals who are interested in learning more about themselves and their own minds.
I’m no longer nervous about being put on the spot. I know it’s exactly what I need to do to learn more about myself, become accepting, and grow. I’m inspired to continue on this journey and learn how to better relate the teachings so that others may benefit.
May I be of benefit.
“For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.” (Thoreau)
Since the spike in reporting of gay teen suicides last fall, Anti-Bullying legislation and awareness has sky-rocketed. “No-tolerance” policies and similar efforts to keep all students safe are one important way of reducing undesirable behavior, but they do not address the root causes of bullying. We think it’s a spiritual problem.
In this series, MyOutSpirit.com asks LGBTQ spiritual leaders what the root causes of bullying are and how we can heal them in our children and ourselves.
{Mary Anne Flanagan, Toning the OM}
Anytime we remove human dignity, we are bullying.
Whether in the streets of Libya or Cairo, classrooms in the inner city, college dorm rooms, or Gay Pride Parades – when we make others feel less-than with our words or actions – we are bullies. It’s the mentality of creating separation through comparison.
We have grown up with it – winter/summer, light/dark, right/left, masculine/feminine, power/vision and on and on. But maybe now is the time to release dissimilar energies and welcome complimentary opposites. This offers all of us an opportunity to look more deeply at our “us-vs-them” mentality.
In his book, Us and Them: Understanding Your Tribal Mind
According to neuroscience research, there are approximately 20,000 moments in each day. A moment is defined as the few seconds our brains record an experience. At every moment we are presented with either an opportunity or a threat. Since the beginning of time, we were more likely to view the world as a threat – survival of the fittest. But through evolution, we have learned to co-operate, collaborate, and co-habitate.
Whether in a positive psychology class, management course, or neuroscience research, there is a lot of information about the benefits of working in teams or seeing each other as opportunities over threats. We can choose opportunities which release neurotransmitters like dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin (neurotransmitters that make us feel good) or we can choose threats which release cortisol (often what makes us feel defensive and even withdrawn).
When we stay angry at a person or group it not only creates an us-vs-them mentality, it can actually affect our health. According to Positive Psychology founder, Martin Seligman, forgiveness can actually increase our overall health and well-being. As Seligman says, “People who are forgiving have less anger, less depression, less hostility, and are less neurotic and less vengeful. Forgiveness increases your own happiness.”
We have all been bullied in some form or fashion. Growing up as a tomboy, I was often teased for looking and acting too masculine. I could play sports better than some boys in my class and they in turn felt threatened and lashed out with verbal put-downs. I stopped playing sports because I wanted to fit in.
Later, when I came out, I was bullied at gay pride parades and marches. I even had bottles thrown at me. But as an adult, I was able to see this as an opportunity. Now, I had the opportunity to teach others that I am not a threat to them. I could live life as an open, honest, loving gay woman. I choose to believe that my life of service, generosity, and love is meaningful and full of hope.
Our tendency may be to create more rules and laws for anti-bullying, but what if we focused on pro-love instead? When we teach kids to stop bullying, we are focusing on fear, us-vs-them. We are telling kids (and adults) how not to behave, when instead we could be teaching a more positive and proactive approach. We can teach them how to love themselves and in turn, one another. We can live with complimentary opposites. In fact, our world learns from a place of intercultural diversity, engaging dialogs, and a movement away from traditional ideas of diversity towards richer concepts of differences.
We don't need more “anti” laws. We need “pro” actions. As Byron Katie
The bottom line is you can’t change others, but you can change yourself and when you do, you can change your ideas about others, thereby creating new wiring in your brain that allows for opportunity – one that’s enveloped with actions of love.
And the truth is I can’t teach you to love – all I can do is BE love and hope you see that when love leads, love follows.
Mary Anne Flanagan is a Certified Life Coach, Shamanic Practitioner and Teacher workshop facilitator, inspired speaker, and creator of Toning the OM™. Mary Anne Flanagan/Toning the OM™: maflanagan@toningtheom.com or 917.238.9726. Visit http://www.toningtheom.com
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Drugs like selective-serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) are effective treatments for the scourge of major depression, but what about the many patients who are reluctant to stay on the medication indefinitely, risking serious relapses? A new Canadian study suggests that a novel alternative – a form of meditation – actually does as good a job in preventing such relapses as the drugs.
Evidence suggests that major-depression patients will often discontinue their medication far too soon. So a team at Ontario’s Centre for Addiction and Mental Health looked at whether mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) would work as a replacement. It teaches patients to regulate their emotions, monitor possible relapse triggers and adopt lifestyle changes that help maintain mood balance.
Participants in the study, published in Archives of General Psychiatry, were all treated with antidepressants until their symptoms went into remission. The 84 subjects were then divided into three groups: one that stayed on the drugs, one that took placebos and one that stopped taking the drugs and received MBCT. Relapse rates after 18 months for patients in the MBCT group did not differ from patients on antidepressants, both being in the 30% range, compared to a 70% relapse rate for those on placebos.
photo: Lisa Omarali/Creative Commons
Dear Queer Youth,
By now you've probably watched at least one of the amazing videos from the "It Gets Better" Project (if not, here's my favorite so far).
Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) and ally people of all ages, races and religions are making videos to let you know that, even though there are challenging times growing up and coming out - junior high and high school, for instance - "It gets better." Eventually, if you hold on, you will overcome the bullies, you'll get stronger, and you will find love.
If you're going through a particularly tough time now and don't know how you can stand to face tomorrow, you can always talk to someone at 1-866-488-7386. (Donate $5 to The Trevor Project hotline by texting Trevor to 85944.)
Obviously, if you're being bullied or abused, the first step is to TELL SOMEONE. Get help. If the first authority figure you tell doesn't help, tell someone else. That almost goes without saying, but it takes courage to stand up or to admit something's hurting.
Don't get me wrong - it really DOES get better with time, and it really DOES get better after high school, and everyone in those videos is right to share their stories of overcoming hardship, discrimination and suicidal thoughts - it really helps to hear that other people have been through what you're going through and come out okay.
But here's the thing: nothing happens if you don't do anything.
Let's try an experiment!
Sit in your chair, close your eyes and think very hard about getting up and going into the kitchen. Think about this for 30 seconds.
Okay, how far did you move?
You DIDN'T! Getting up and going into the kitchen is just like making your life happy - you have to take the small actions to change things!
Ah, but what action to take to "Make It Better?"
Many of the "It Gets Better" video stars talk about how great it was when they got out of their small town and moved to (wherever). While there's something to be said for getting away from an abusive situation, if your problem is depression, shame and suicidal thoughts, just changing your environment may not be enough. Besides, maybe you're not old enough to move out on your own, and don't want to join the 500,000 homeless LGBT youth already on the streets.
The most important thing you can do to "Make It Better" is to train your mind to be happy, and practice doing the things that improve your life.
You can't always control your environment. You can't control what other people say or do. Bad things sometimes happen to everyone at any age.
But you CAN learn to control how you respond.
I'm not saying it's easy, especially when you're in crisis or distracted by raging hormones! At the same time, it's possible, and thousands of years of research has been conducted!
Both ancient and New Age meditation traditions can provide you with inspiration and instruction in training your mind so that, no matter what happens to you, you can maintain a stable, happy mental state. Meditation and affirmations can even help you conquer negative thoughts and habits.
Easy for me to say, right? Of course I'm going to point you in that direction since I run MyOutSpirit.com, a social network for spiritual LGBTQ people, but hey, if starting a Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Silva Mind Training or other meditation practice doesn't sound good to you, I have another recommendation.
I recently read YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE, a book by Louise Hay that is all about retraining your mind to think happy, healing thoughts. It really helped me take responsiblity for my own happiness. I am happier every day because I read and applied some of the simple instructions in this book. Check it out at the library or click here to buy it from Amazon.com, and see if it helps you, too.
This book is easy to read. Some of it may seem silly (her mirror-work was famously mocked on Saturday Night Live), but with 40 million books sold, you have to admit something's working for people. Like any other inspirational book, read it with discernment. It's okay to feel silly. It's okay to not agree with everything. Keep your eyes and heart open. Experiment. Play. See what happens.
Whatever actions you choose to help you control your own mind and your own life and your own destiny - what you do to MAKE IT BETTER - know that there are millions of us supporting you and loving you unconditionally and eager to see the amazing person and life you create for yourself.
Hang in there.
photo: "Fight Club II" by Michael Winkler
Did you ever wonder why when something happens to one of our folks in the community it is almost always followed by stories that discredit the victim?
Remember Matthew Shepard? The child was not warm yet in the arms of God when the stories started circulating he may have set himself up for being tied to a fence tortured and murdered.
Remember the fella who got beat up leaving one of our gay watering holes? It didn’t take long for stories to get started that his behavior may have lead to his beating.
Let us not forget the murder, which took place in Piedmont Park. One could have set their watch by how long it took to be pointed out he was there cruising for sex.
Then of course we have the unsolved murder of Precious Armani, who in many accounts was described as a “cross-dresser” for hire.
Now most recently, we have the young man from Savannah hit so hard as to have his brain bruised by one of two US Marines because he may have winked at them?
Straight men better hope and pray women around the world don’t remember this story the next time they wink at the object of their desire!
Again, one could have set their watch by how long it took to publish stories that well maybe he did do something to deserve to be damn near killed.
Could someone please explain to me what an incident of “road rage” and an alleged racial slur have to do with an alleged wink, or squint that results in being knocked out cold in the middle of the street?
No, if the racial slur happened it is not cool…but damn people it is not even remotely connected to this “big tough Marine” having his manhood allegedly offended and his hysterical response.
For those who want to know more about this story, the police report has now been published and if it weren’t such a serious matter it would be “Saturday Night Live” funny.
The police officer found the two tough US Marines hiding in a vacant lot, saying they were waiting for a friend and had just been trying to get away from a homosexual who was harassing them. These two are trained to fight and kill terrorists…damn what power we little old homosexuals have!
Finally, while not as violent physically it certainly was violent emotionally. I got e-mail the other day at the office “demanding” I justify my position regarding homosexuality. Saying they were not trying to be argumentative but were trying to understand. Now mind you I do not know this person or ever had any contact with them until they jumped into my playground…
Well, I fell into the trap and spent 3 or 4 hours writing a response, which clearly stated where I was coming from, how our church operated and what we saw as the main work of the church to be. Here is the response:
“YES AND YOU STILL ARE TWISTING SCRIPTURE! G-D CONDEMNS SEXUALLY IMMORALS! JAMES EVE STATES: 3:17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peace-loving, gentle, compliant, full of mercy and good fruits, without favoritism and hypocrisy. [HOLMAN CHRISTIAN STANDARD BIBLE, THE MOST ACCURATE IF YOU ARE SERIOUS OF ABOUT G-D'S WORD]. YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE! YOU MAY BE GENTLE BUT YOU ARE A HYPOCRITE! HEED THE WORDS OF THE MASTER HIMSELF IN MATTHEW 19: 4"Haven't you read," he replied, "that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' 5and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh'? 6So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." HE MAKES A DIRECT QUOTE FROM TORAH GENESIS 2: 24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. AS I HAVE SAID I WAS RAISED JEWISH, I WAS ORTHODOX, I KNOW WHAT THE HEBREW SAYS, I ALSO STUDIED BIBLICAL GREEK AND YOU TWIST THE WORDS! THE ONLY RESPONSE I HAVE TO GIVE YOU IS THIS:
7 The victor will inherit these things, and I will be his God, and he will be My son. 8 But the cowards, unbelievers, vile, murderers, sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars—their share will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur,which is the second death." (ALL QUOTATIONS ARE FROM THE HOLMAN CHRISTIAN STANDARD BIBLE, THE MOST ACCURATE BIBLE ONE CAN GET)! YOU WILL DIE THE SECOND DEATH, LIVE WITH IT! YOU AND YOU DISGUSTING COCK SUCKING HUSBAND WILL BE IN ETERNAL HELL FIRE! YOU HAVE TWO OPTIONS TO EITHER TURN OR BURN! REMEMBER THIS IT WAS NOT UNTIL THE LATE SIXTIES THAT LIBERAL LUKEWARMERS LIKE YOURSELF STARTED TO TWIST WHAT THE BIBLE ACTUALLY TEACHES! ALTHOUGH I AM NOT FOR THE NIV TRANSLATION (IT IS AS BAD AS THE MESSAGE), I WILL SUGGEST THAT YOU PURCHASE FOR YOURSELF THE ZONDERVAN NIV ARCHAEOLOGICAL STUDY BIBLE AS IT HAS WONDERFUL ARTICLES IN IT INCLUDING HOMOSEXUALITY IN PAUL'S TIME AND IN THE ANCIENT NEAR EAST, IF THIS DOES NOT SET YOU STRAIGHT IN YOU FALSE DOCTRINE, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT WILL! YOU ARE A WALKING CURSE AS YOU PREACH FALSE DOCTRINES AND A FALSE GOSPEL! EITHER TURN OR BURN, THOSE ARE YOUR ONLY OPTIONS!”
Yup, that is a response from a “concerned Christian” who felt they had the right not to just shout in this email but to scream at me, (like right in my face kind of thing) and threaten me with eternally death, not to mention set it up so if some wacko shoots me I deserve it.
I got to tell you it feels a whole lot like what happens to women at rape trials or in domestic violence situations. Well, if she hadn’t been where she was…if she hadn’t been wearing what she was wearing…well if she had not drank so much as to be inviting.
Of course usually by the time the defense attorney was done with the cross examination, one would think she had invited the rape or the beating because the victim was of not good character.
The sad truth of this is in our enlighten world is we know and acknowledge the act of rape or abuse is not about sex, but rather is a violent act of power and control.
There has been in our society a prevailing thought that says men are powerful and women are to be controlled, therefore they bear the responsibility for what happens to them. They should know how to conduct themselves so as to not put them in danger. Therefore, women should not smoke, drink, go out to clubs or dress in ways which are inviting or tempting for the male to loose control. Women are responsible for maintaining a “high moral standard”.
We know this phenomenon as “sexism”. Well, a dear college of mine coined a phrase years ago, which explains why those in our community who are victims of violence are so often discredited. Suzanne Pharr wrote a book about the subject entitled, “ .”
This book was written in 1988 and while there has been progress it still rings true.
Our community is truly caught in this trap of sexism. At the bottom of this snake pit of homophobia and sexism is the church…everything from blaming original sin on Eve and Old Testament teachings saying men should not behave like women to denominations saying women much less homosexuals have no place in the church or pulpits.
Yes, I know it is not every church and yes I know there are plenty of churches fighting this crap.
Yet, I got to tell you it is not enough and they are not loud enough. People are dying, being killed, committing suicide, falling into drug use and losing families over this crap not just once a week but every day, yes every day!
A pastor that I find myself working with often in the community who disagrees with me on almost every point concerning homosexuality said,
“All that said, those who engaged in homosexual behavior are people—who need love and forgiveness, and who need to understand the love of God. It is hard to engage in cultural battle and still have people feel that you love and accept them. Ugly rhetoric, inappropriate jokes, ridicule and violence of any kind should be off limits. And most importantly, we need to do a better job in our own marriages so we don’t lose the moral authority to talk about these issues. We obviously have a lot of work to do.”
No sir, with my brothers and sisters dead in the streets and parks, beat up and abused, fired from their jobs, told to not ask and not tell, our gathering places raided by the police on the smallest complaint around neighborhood values Where people feel they are justified in sending emails like the afore mentioned, where the church feels it can stop me from being married, passing on property, visiting my husband in the hospital, and having the right of raising a family and with heterosexual marriage experiencing a 50-60% divorce rate…you have already lost your “moral authority”.
It is time for a new team to step up and be heard.
It is time for the inclusive, affirming and progressive community to like Moses, like Gandhi and like Jesus to stand up to the arrogance of religious authority. Such arrogance presumes to know what is best for others, indeed, even to know what God thinks. Ultimately, such arrogance assumes that some should be excluded from the human community. The response of Moses, Gandhi and Jesus was a defiant reaching out in order to include the excluded. So my friends how defiantly inclusive will you be today?
Byron Katie, the founder of The Work, has one job: to teach people how to end their own suffering. As she guides people through the powerful process of inquiry called The Work, they find that their stressful beliefs—about life, other people, or themselves— radically shift and their lives are changed forever. In this exclusive interview with MyOutSpirit.com founder, Clayton Gibson, her first in a gay publication, Katie addresses LGBT suffering and our struggle for equal rights in terms of The Work.
Katie is one of the most beloved self-help authors in the world. Her best-selling books include LOVING WHAT IS, WHO WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT YOUR STORY, A THOUSAND NAMES FOR JOY, and I NEED YOUR LOVE: IS THAT TRUE? Katie will be a keynote speaker at the Liberation 2010 LGBT Spiritual Conference in Los Angeles in April 2010. (Mention MyOutSpirit to save $50 on conference registration - enter code "mos50")
Read the Whole Interview on MyOutSpirit.com.
"When it comes to suffering, we’re all the same. Straight or gay, we suffer only when we believe our stressful thoughts. The world can never be our problem; it’s only our thinking about the world that can cause us a problem. All these struggles for identity are very real, of course, and cause us untold misery. We attach to an identity—“I am straight,” “I am gay,” “I am the woman whose mother doesn’t love her,” “I am the man who isn’t good enough”—and we don’t realize that it’s the thought we’re believing in the moment that creates that identity. But the truth is that when we understand who we really are, we move beyond all identities, and life becomes very simple."
"Many people think that there is a contradiction between loving what is and activism. That’s not my experience at all. I’ve heard people say that they cling to their painful thoughts because they’re afraid that without them they wouldn’t go out and try to change the world. “If I felt completely peaceful,” they say, “why would I bother taking action at all?” My answer is “Because that’s what love does.” To think that we need sadness or outrage to motivate us to do what’s right is insane. As if the clearer and happier you get, the less kind you become. As if when someone finds freedom, she just sits around all day with drool running down her chin. My experience is the opposite. Love is action. It’s clear, it’s kind, it’s effortless, and it’s irresistible."
"When you attack someone who is anti-gay, however valid your viewpoint is, do you think that he’ll be open to what you’re saying? You’re threatening him with your attitude, and the facts can get lost, because you’re coming from fear and righteous anger. All he’ll hear is that you think he’s doing it wrong, it’s his fault, and he’ll go into denial and resistance. But if you speak to him without stress, in total confidence that everything is just the way it should be in this very moment, you’ll be able to express yourself kindly, effectively, and with no fear about the future.
"Violence teaches only violence. Stress teaches stress. If your heart is clear and loving and non-judgmental, our hearts will change much more quickly. That’s how it works. And if you do that genuinely, without violence in your heart, without anger, without pointing at homophobes as the enemy, then people begin to notice. We begin to listen and notice that change through peace is possible. It has to begin with one person. If you’re not the one, who is?"
Read the Whole Interview on MyOutSpirit.com.
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